Hovering, Helicoptering, and Hindering: How to Break the Cycle

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The term “helicopter parent” comes with a few negative connotations, especially if it is meant to coin a parenting style with regard to the classroom. Of course, the tendency to hover over, guide, and protect is a natural and respectable instinct for parents. Everyone hopes to shield their children from pain, failure, embarrassment, struggle, etc. However, a helicopter parent’s best intentions may prove a detriment to the child in the long run for several different reasons.

 

Helicopter parents can inadvertently foster neediness and dependence when they do for the child what he or she could readily do for himself. For instance, older elementary school students should ideally be expected to tie their shoes, pick out an outfit, pack or unpack a backpack, make a sandwich, etc. When parents rush to assist with a task that children should be able to complete themselves, it sends the subtle message that, “you cannot do this without mom or dad’s help.” Over time, this inadvertent message solidifies a sense of reliance on parents and subsequent self-doubt. Parents must set reasonable expectations for children so that they build independence, self-confidence, and autonomy. Obviously, as children develop and advance their life skills, parents should increase the level of independence and set expectations higher by increasing the “hands-off” mentality. Bottom line—if a child can do it herself, let her.

 

Excessive hovering also has a tendency to breed anxiety and stress. If parents are constantly questioning, checking in on, or scrutinizing a child’s actions or decisions, it can create tension and added stress. Of course, it is natural for parents to worry—this never truly subsides, no matter old that “child” is. But parents must carefully consider just how much they are allowing that constant worry to show. A simple question like, “How well do you think you did on your test today?” Or, “Why do you think you weren’t invited to the party?” could be enough to raise anxiety and worry in a child’s mind. Keep those sort of pointed or loaded questions to yourself—the grade will be what it will be; the friends and invites will come and go.

 

Help children by embracing struggles and tackling obstacles, not removing them. Again, a helicopter parent’s instinct is to remove any obstacle their child might face so that struggles are kept at a minimum and failure and strife are avoided. While it’s admirable to want to absorb pain for our children, the constant safety bubble does them a great disservice. Part of life is learning to face obstacles and learn from failure. If parents are constantly intervening when things get tough, or cleaning up a child’s literal or figurative messes, the outcome could be detrimental. Resilience, perseverance, problem-solving skills, courage, and flexibility are just a few formative characteristics that children begin to develop when faced with difficulties.

 

Stress growth over perfection and avoid making comparisons between siblings or peers. It is important to remind children that everyone has his or her own strengths and weaknesses—no one is perfect at everything. Helicopter parents may do more harm than good if perfection is the communicated goal or standard. Instead, parents should put the focus more on improvement and progress. Show them that effort is valuable by discussing your own struggles and triumphs and letting them navigate their own in due time.

Email Etiquette for Students: A Crash Course

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If I had a pencil for every time I received a well-intended, but slightly rude, terse, or thoughtless email from a student, I could give Staples a run for its money. However, the positive thing about receiving one of these poorly organized emails is that it shows student initiative. Even a terribly composed email means that a student had the forethought to reach out for help and clarification. Another upside to the careless email conundrum is that it can be easily mended with a few helpful pointers and some practice.

Whether students are in elementary school, middle school, high school, or the post-secondary level of their education, email etiquette is a crucial skill for communicating with educators and advocating for themselves as learners. Starting young learners early with digital literacy skills and expectations allows them to build that critical foundation for blending communication and technology.

Here are some tips to share with your students:

  1. Always begin with a cordial greeting or salutation that suits your recipient. If students are emailing a friend or classmate about tonight’s homework, a casual greeting and the peer’s first name is fine. However, if emailing a teacher or principal, students should consider a more formal greeting and address the recipient as Dr., Mr., or Mrs. Students should know that jumping straight into a question or request without a standard greeting creates a demanding or somewhat rude tone, whether intentional or not.
  2. After the greeting, cut to the chase. Explain why you are emailing—what is the intention or purpose of this email? What information or response are you seeking? Keep it direct and concise, as to remove superfluous details or long-winded paragraphs.
  3. Take ownership of the question. For instance, if students are emailing about the homework assignment because they forgot to write it down, they should make mention of their error or oversight briefly in the email. This helps to show the teacher that, while the student may have neglected to write the assignment down, she is taking ownership of that mistake and taking initiative to remedy the situation.
  4. Be specific about the class that you are referring to in your email. Teachers often teach many courses, grade levels, or even subject areas. So if you are asking about the notes, handouts, or announcements that you may have missed, be sure to clarify which course or class period you are asking about. Especially for middle and high school students, pacing can vary from period to period, so it is especially helpful to remind the teacher of which specific period and date you are seeking information or materials for.
  5. Finish with a cordial closing to thank your recipient in advance. Be sure to digitally “sign” your email by including your full name. This is crucial. Oftentimes, students neglect to include their name at the end of an email. Too often when this happens, I am left wondering which of my 150 students could be soccerlover18@gmail.com, for instance. This makes it very difficult to provide a helpful response when teachers do not know who sent the original email.

Back-to-School Health and Safety Tips for Parents

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Heading back to school is an exciting time for families of elementary schoolers. Oftentimes, the excitement and anticipation take center stage, but going back to school can also mean stress for children and parents. Once the obligatory first day photos, school shopping, new sneakers, packed lunch boxes, and orientations are handled, the anticipation dwindles, replaced with questions like, “What now?” or “What have we forgotten?” Below are the nuts and bolts of ensuring a healthy and safe start for heading back to elementary school.

1. Avoid skipping breakfast at all costs. Like many kids, your child may not experience hunger immediately upon waking. This can turn breakfast into an afterthought, which can quickly become a major pitfall if children begin skipping breakfast regularly. If your children are not keen on eating right away, see about waking them a little earlier to allow for more time in the morning before school. Even a measly 15 minutes could be enough time to spur a desire for breakfast. The longer he or she is awake before heading off to school, the more likely it is that he/she will want something to eat. If all else fails, consider stashing breakfast bars, fruit, or drinkable yogurts for the car ride so that your child has an option for last-minute nibbling before heading into school.

2. Those back-to-school shoes may be super cute; however, the blisters that accompany their first wear will not be. Encourage your child to put comfort first when picking out school outfits. We all know that even the tiniest blister can produce excruciating pain. This can make recess, walking around the cafeteria, P.E., etc. unbearable. Consider breaking those new shoes in over the weekend and packing a few bandaids in the lunchbox just in case. Similarly, depending on the school, or even from one classroom to another, temperature can vary drastically. With air conditioning, or the lack thereof, children can become uncomfortable and distracted if they are sweating or shivering all day. Encourage layers to ensure comfort throughout the day and from room to room. However, because of the likelihood that that sweater or long sleeve will come off at any given time in the school day, personalized clothing labels or even Sharpie initials can ensure that lost items become found and clothing makes it home.

3. If your child has a food allergy, no matter how severe, be sure that the school knows about the dietary restrictions. Beyond the school nurse, teachers, paraeducators, building staff and cafeteria aids should be aware of any severe food allergies. Anything from treats shared at school, arts and crafts materials, cleaning products, air fresheners, etc., can contain allergens or may be processed and packaged alongside allergens. To avoid the possibility of a reaction, consider sending a “just in case” email to school to ensure that health records are updated and all staff are aware of the food allergy. Some parents find it helpful to send their child to school with fun “about me” cards with their child’s photo and dietary restrictions listed. These “business cards” are especially helpful for young elementary schoolers. They can also contain any information about epipen use, emergency contacts, and the pediatrician or allergist’s phone number.

4. For children who are extremely sensitive to the sun and prone to sunburn, ask the school if it is okay for your child to pack and apply travel sunscreen for recess, physical education, soccer practice, or any other outdoor activities. Outdoor time can amount to an hour or more, depending on the child’s school; this leaves plenty of time for sun exposure and subsequent burn. School policy will likely prohibit teachers or other school staff from applying sunscreen, so consider purchasing an easy-to-apply option for your child to apply it himself. The roll-on, deodorant-looking sticks work great for quick-drying, easy application.

5. Remind your child to drink water throughout the day. This is an obvious tidbit; however, school nurses report dehydration as one of the major catalysts to most school illnesses and nurse visits. Obviously, water fountains are aplenty in schools, but also ask if water bottles are allowed in class. Having water at hand provides a constant reminder to sip throughout the day to stay hydrated, alert, and focused.