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Self-Sufficiency: For the Middle School Ages

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Self-advocacy, responsibility, and independence are life skills that are certainly called upon once children reach middle school. No longer do they have one teacher that is responsible for knowing all of their assignments for each subject, nor do they have recess to run off their excess energy. Additionally, homework, reading assignments and lockers all make for a challenging transition from elementary school to middle school.

Middle school is also the time when teachers and parents begin to expect students to have more of a handle in their own schooling—meaning that they take on the active role, while parents help more from the sidelines. That said, middle schoolers who are underperforming or struggling socially may be experiencing the ripple effect of a lack of self-sufficiency. To combat the dependence that may not have been shed during elementary school, you can still help middle schoolers build a strong foundation for self-sufficiency.

  • “My job, your job, our job” is a common strategy that teachers use when introducing class expectations in middle school. Parents, too, can take this straight from the teacher’s playbook to use at home. Very clearly explain the expectations for completing homework each night. Families can set up these expectations together so that everyone is in agreement from the get-go.
My Job (child) Your Job (parent) Our Job (child & parent)
Write down my homework for each class before leaving the classroom Provide child with agenda book or calendar for organizing assignments Keep technology out of the homework area during work time
Organize items that must be returned to school Double check that a “bring back” folder does, in fact, return to school in the backpack Track grades online
Complete all homework assignments to the best of my ability Support homework time by removing distractions and assisting when necessary Email/contact teachers if assignments, due dates, or grades are unclear

 

  • Encourage middle schoolers to clean up their own messes and tackle their own problems. If your child forgets her project on the kitchen counter, pause a moment before you speed to the school to deliver the assignment. Yes, if you don’t rush to her rescue, she will have to suffer the consequences of forgetting the assignment, but the lesson that she will learn will be invaluable. She will have to talk to the teacher, negotiate an alternative option for submission, and take responsibility by accepting the late credit.
  • How will suffering the consequences do any good? Think about this like removing the training wheels. Your child may take a spill, but they’ll never learn to ride the bike if the training wheels are always on to hold her up. She will remember this moment the next time a large assignment rolls around, and will surely double check that the project is in her backpack before she heads out the door.

  • Set high expectations while also praising effort, even in the face of failure. Self-sufficiency truly blossoms when children learn to pick themselves back up. Every time that they solve a problem, fix their errors, and give it another shot, they are developing grit and self-sufficiency. The knowledge that they can strategize and attempt challenges on their own builds confidence and self-esteem—two qualities with which many middle schoolers likely struggle.

Self-Sufficiency: For the Elementary School Age Group

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Raising a self-sufficient child is essential for emotional development, as independence boosts confidence, promotes responsibility and problem-solving skills, and rewards determination. Independence and self-sufficiency are life skills that should be taught earlier, rather than later. If not learned during childhood, acquiring independence can be like putting toothpaste back in the tube.

Take a step back

A more hands-off approach to certain tasks when attempting to teach self-sufficiency shows children that you believe in their capabilities. When you take a step back and let them try on their own, children gain a sense of confidence. You are demonstrating to them that you believe in their abilities to accomplish something on their own.

Furthermore, taking a step back helps children to develop problem-solving skills. Of course, they feel reassured by the fact that you are there if they need you, but trying something on their own teaches them how to assess, approach, and tackle a problem. With every trial and error, a new skill or lesson emerges. Children who take on a task independently will also be more willing to take risks. The confidence that they are finding allows them to step outside of their comfort zone a little further. They are comforted by the fact that their parents are there to support them if necessary, so taking a risk is less intimidating.

Give them responsibilities

Another way to teach self-sufficiency and show children that you have every confidence in them is to provide them with responsibilities. You should tailor these responsibilities based on age and capability, of course, but even preschool-aged children can begin to gain independence by accomplishing small tasks on their own. Provide young children with a visual or checklist to begin the new responsibility. This will serve as a guide and visual reminder that they are responsible for completing that task. For instance, if you want your kindergartener to complete her bedtime routine on her own, provide her with a to-do list until she gets the hang of it. This acts as a scaffold or support until she has mastered the responsibility.

Perhaps you may want to use a token reward system when introducing a new responsibility. You can assign tokens for certain jobs, and dock tokens if necessary. If your child neglects her responsibilities, have a conversation about the importance of task completion and accountability. Show her that you know that she is capable of completing her responsibilities—this vote of confidence reminds her that she can do it on her own.

Allow children to make mistakes

A major part of self-sufficiency involves the ability to pick ourselves back up after a misstep. If parents constantly intervene to amend a situation, how will children ever learn resilience, determination, or culpability? Making mistakes also teaches children about how consequences work. They will be less likely to make that mistake again if they realize the consequences the first time.

Of course, it is difficult for parents to sit back and allow the mistake to be made. However, so long as the error is not a major stumble, the ends justify the means. Self-sufficiency blossoms when children take responsibility. For example, if your child did not do his homework, set the expectation that he will have to tell his teacher and make up the assignment. He will realize that his actions matter when he has to face a consequence.