Strategies for Timed Essays

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Timed essay tests can bring about a great deal of stress for students. The ticking clock is certainly a catalyst when it comes to test anxiety; however, the unknown components of an timed essay test are also daunting. The fact of the matter is, timed writing tasks will be a standard aspect of every student’s education at some point. Another fact, thankfully, is that there are strategies that students can employ to conquer these seemingly insurmountable timed essays.

 

 

Reread the prompt and put it into your own words

 

When students sit down to take an essay assessment, the clock begins counting down and nerves often take over. In a time-crunch, many students follow the impulse to put pencil to paper as quickly as possible and write until their wrists can take no more. The issue, however, arises when the completed essay fails to actually address the prompt or essay question. To avoid this, students should first carefully reread the prompt in an effort to put it into their own words. By rephrasing the question, students ensure that they fully comprehend what the prompt is asking and are able to more specifically begin to address it in their writing.

 

 

Spend 3-5 minutes drafting a simple outline

 

The few minutes that students spend sketching a plan for their essay will be returned twofold in the sense that, with this quick roadmap, they will have to spend less time figuring out the general direction of each paragraph since the essay is already loosely mapped out. The outline should include only bulleted information, not complete sentences. Page numbers for direct quotes or other references are also helpful on the outline. While each essay and outline will obviously vary, the same components are usually suggested for informational, argumentative, or expository responses.

  • When in doubt, the introduction paragraph can be comprised of:
    • A general statement, in which the topic, subject, theme, or concept is very generally introduced.
    • A specific statement, in which the general statement is given some specificity, elaboration, clarification, etc.
    • A thesis statement, in which the argument, claim, or goal of the response is introduced.
  • Most body paragraphs should include:
    • Transition words to organize the points, evidence, support, etc., in order of importance.
    • Introduction to the text evidence by title and/or author.
    • Direct quotes to support the original thesis statement or claim made in the introduction.
    • Interpretation of the quotes and explicit statement of how the quotes support the claim or argument.
  • Most conclusions should include:
    • A restatement of the thesis; advanced writers in middle and high school grades should work to rephrase the thesis statement. The overall claim or argument is the same; however, the wording is varied to avoid redundancy.
    • A final confirmation of the texts that were referenced and how they specifically relate to the topic or prompt.
    • A final statement to again generalize the purpose of the essay. **Students should get in the habit of using words directly from the prompt in their introduction and conclusion paragraphs to ensure that their responses are thoroughly and clearly connected to the prompt.

 

 

Reread each paragraph individually

 

It helps to read a response with fresh eyes to determine that writing is consistent and relative to the purpose of the prompt. If students have time at the end of a timed writing assessment, it is beneficial to reread each paragraph individually, referring back to the prompt in between paragraphs to ensure that each component (paragraph) serves its purpose and clearly answers the prompt.

 

 

Don’t get hung up on spelling

 

Unless otherwise specified by the teacher, students should avoid spending too much time contemplating spelling errors. Most often, timed essays are scored on content, including word choice, sentence structure or variation, and other content-driven writing skills. Therefore, perseverating over spelling is generally unnecessary. Instead, students should spend their time crafting and honing their argument.

Memorization Tips

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We all forget things from time to time. Yet students with deficits in working memory, or those who struggle with memory processing disorder, experience an added layer of difficulty when studying for assessments, reviewing material, or simply grasping concepts upon initial introduction. Since many students with memory deficiencies have coexisting learning disabilities, such as ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, etc., organizing information input and output can be daunting.

 

Fortunately, there are several ways to help these students process information differently and enhance their recall.

 

Establishing bizarre connections can help students memorize otherwise arbitrary facts:

If an upcoming spelling test included two similar words, like desert and dessert, it may be difficult to remember which word contains the ss. To help memorize the spelling, consider the fact that, if given the choice, we would rather have two desserts after dinner, not two deserts. Similarly, if the spelling test includes the term neighbor, imagine that Old McDonald is your neighbor to remember the vowel order “eio,” just like the song.

 

To remember that water freezes at 32 degrees fahrenheit, 0 degrees celsius, think of a person’s phone number or address that includes the number 32. Then visualize that person texting on an iceberg or calling from the freezer. As ridiculous as these visual connections may seem, they help provide anecdotal cues to a student who struggles to memorize facts.

 

Memory maps help link familiar places to random facts:

If a student is trying to memorize the allied nations for a WWII exam, he might find it beneficial to visualize his house as the United States with an American flag, his next door neighbors as France and the United Kingdom with their respective flags, and his neighbors across the street as the Soviet Union and China. To solidify the memory, perhaps he will visualize a block party in which different households bring food or drink items that represent those nations, like tea for the UK, croissants for France, egg rolls for China, etc.

 

Use key words or word play to help learn and then memorize vocabulary:

Take the Latin root voc, for instance, meaning call or voice. The word advocate means to speak up for someone or something. Vociferous describes someone who is vocal or outspoken. Someone’s vocation is their career, or what they have been called to do in life. Convocation is a formal assembly of people or people that have been called together to meet and discuss. Multisyllabic terms can also be broken down into more manageable segments to help memorize definitions as well. For example, indefatigable is easier to understand after learning the word fatigue. The combination of the root syllables prompts students to remember that indefatigable means someone that works tirelessly or with unwavering enthusiasm.

 

Mnemonic devices and acronyms also work when students are tasked with memorizing ordered terms or processes—the sillier or more personalized the better to solidify memories and activate recall. We all know ROY G BIV for the colors of the rainbow, but what about May I have a large container of coffee? This sentence helps students remember the digits of pi—each letter of the word in the sentence represents the next numeral 3.1415927.

 

Be creative with your students and help them to devise strategies and memory maps that help them to store and recall information. Make it fun!

National Stalking Awareness Month

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2019 marks the 15th year of recognizing January as National Stalking Awareness Month. The CDC defines stalking as, “a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or conduct directed at someone that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear.” Many people are probably unaware of the staggering statistic that roughly 1 in 6 women will be a victim of stalking at some point in her lifetime. The purpose of National Stalking Awareness Month is to not only raise awareness, but also promote prevention efforts and provide community supports and assistance to victims.

 

While anyone can become a victim of stalking, teenagers are among the most vulnerable and experience the highest rates of incidents among victims. Below are tips for families concerning precautionary measures, proactive steps, and other safety strategies to prevent children and teens from becoming victims.

 

CLEAN UP SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS

For many teens, social media is their method for connecting and sharing with friends. However, much too often, teens are oversharing in their profiles. Talk to your teen about the importance of certain levels of anonymity online. Details such as phone numbers, addresses, specific school locations, full names, and birth dates when put in the wrong hands can be used to stalk victims. Remind your child that “privacy” settings are not always full-proof. Furthermore, that new “friend” or follower request could be anyone—literally.

  • Do not accept friend requests from people that you do not personally know
  • Do not “check-in” to public places online; this information can be accessed by anyone
  • Do not “tag” specific current locations, especially if you frequent these locations regularly
  • Report any suspicious users and log the attempts this person has made when contacting you
  • Do not respond to any unwanted messages, conversations, requests, etc.
  • If teens have a webcam or camera on their laptop, consider covering it when not in use

 

SWITCH UP YOUR EVERYDAY ROUTINES

Stalkers often rely on victims’ routines to track their whereabouts closely. The less predictable the routine, the more difficult it is to follow. If your teen jogs a specific loop on the weekends, goes to the same coffee shop after school every Wednesday, bike rides through the park to school every day, or walks the dog around the same neighborhood route, encourage her to switch up her day-to-day patterns. A sudden change in one’s habits is sometimes enough to dissuade an unwanted observer. These modifications also prompt teens to try out new places, explore new running paths, or simply catch the bored dog off guard by changing his walking route.

 

DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO OBLIGE

Sometimes, in an effort to maintain one’s social courtesy or show politeness, children and teens feel pressured to say “yes” to a kind offer. Parents have probably taught their kids from a young age to hold the door for others, smile and say “hello” when someone greets them, say “please” and “thank you” when someone shows them a kind gesture. Obviously, being well-mannered is not the issue. However, we do need children and teens to be aware of the option to say “no” or walk away to ignore someone’s unwanted attention. Remind them that agreeing to something just out of politeness is not necessary; they should never be made to feel coerced or intimidated when it comes to unwanted attention or “seemingly” kind offers. Remind teens of the following:

  • “Oh come on, give me a smile,” from a stranger in no way obligates you to respond.
  • If someone pesters, coaxes, or berates you for not saying “hello” or calls you rude for ignoring them, keep ignoring them.
  • If someone asks you how you’re doing or where you’re heading, you do not have to respond.
  • If someone offers to walk you home, offers you a ride, or approaches you too closely, move away and remain in a public place until the person has left or until you feel safe.
  • If a peer asks you to hang out or go out on a date, do not feel that you have to agree out of kindness. It’s better to let them know straight out that you are not interested in that way.
  • If a stranger or peer’s attempt at a conversation is crossing the line or making you feel uncomfortable, use your phone as an out. Call a parent or pretend to receive an incoming call from a parent; use headphones as an indication that you do not want to converse with strangers around you.

 

TELL SOMEONE

Parents should explain the signs of stalking and clearly define which types of behaviors are classified as stalking. Tell your teens to speak up to you or another trusted adult if they believe someone is following, watching, harassing, or intimidating them. Remind them not to ignore their instincts—if something feels off, it very well could be.

Classroom Strategies for Students with Asperger’s

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As of 2013, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has reclassified Asperger’s syndrome to include it in the broader category of autism spectrum disorder. Unlike some other conditions along the spectrum, children with Asperger’s syndrome are considered “high-functioning.” This means that children and adults with Asperger’s experience are intellectually and verbally advanced, yet experience social and/or executive functioning deficits.

 

Asperger’s syndrome can be frustrating for the child and those closest to him/her. Since classrooms today involve constant social components, students with Asperger’s will likely require certain routines and strategies to help facilitate their interactions with peers and adults in and outside of school.

 

Maintain consistency

Students with any form of autism spectrum disorder thrive when they know what to expect—surprises, disruptions, or diversions from the norm are not favorable and can cause unnecessary stress. This means that teachers should specifically and deliberately introduce routines, expectations, and basic classroom guidelines and adhere to them so that all students, but especially those with Asperger’s, can adapt to the established expectations. Things such as warm-ups, explanations for homework assignments, routines for moving around or asking to leave the room—even the location of the pencil sharpener—should remain consistent.

 

If, for whatever reason, a classroom routine or school schedule must change, be sure to explain the modification to the student directly—do not just assume that he will anticipate or grasp the change. Additionally, provide a logical reason for the change. For instance, if a fire drill or weather delay has adjusted the bell schedule, make a note to print, post, or explain the day’s modified schedule and explain that the change was made to account for a shorter school day or disruption in the schedule.

 

If students have unstructured or unsupervised time, such as lunch time or transitions in middle and high school, help the student to understand what his options are during lunch and between classes, the time constraints to complete those options, and his best method or route for navigating to the next class on time.

 

Be direct

While students with Asperger’s may have an advanced vocabulary, their ability to communicate their feelings or perceptions, as well as their ability to interpret someone else’s, may be lacking. For this reason, sarcasm, exaggerations/hyperbole, euphemisms, puns, or vague expressions are often misinterpreted or confusing to students with Asperger’s syndrome. Instead of beating around the bush (see what I did there?) or using indirect phrasing, be explicit with students so that they know exactly what is being communicated. For instance, if students are about to dismiss, saying, “relax until the bell rings” could mean many different things. Instead, tell students to “remain seated quietly at your desk until the bell rings.” With a direct statement, there are no misinterpretations or misunderstandings.

 

Provide clear options

Decision-making can be a difficult undertaking for students with Asperger’s syndrome—they may become overwhelmed by their choices or worry about selecting the “best” option. It is beneficial for teachers to provide student choice, but limit the scope of those choices for students who struggle to synthesize information.

 

For example, if students are selecting one of the seven wonders for a research project, consider asking certain students what their top three wonders would be. Then discuss as a small group and model decision-making strategies. Ask students things like, “Which location do you think is the most famous or would have the most accessible information?” “Do you have background knowledge of any wonders on your list?” “Which wonder are you most curious to learn about?” “What part of the world is most intriguing? Might you choose a wonder located there?” These questions direct students to think analytically about their options, which helps when choices seem random or arbitrary.

 

Deescalate the situation  

Children with Asperger’s syndrome may have a lower threshold for irritation or annoyance, which can increase the likelihood of meltdowns in the classroom. Teachers and counselors can take proactive steps to avoid or diffuse situations when tempers flare in the classroom. Connect with parents early on—they will be able to cue you in on what might irritate or annoy their child in particular. They are also likely to have strategies for diffusing situations when they arise.

 

Consider a designated “cool down area” within the classroom equipped with flexible seating, stress balls, sketch pads for doodling or journaling, and noise-cancelling headphones. Especially for elementary and middle grades, these quiet corners allow all students the option to remove themselves from a potential conflict to regroup or decompress. This quiet, stress-free zone is especially beneficial to students with Asperger’s syndrome because frustration for them can result in all-encompassing meltdowns.

 

Checklists/check-ins  

Since students with Asperger’s often experience gaps in executive functioning skills, teachers can use simple strategies to help fill those gaps and introduce students to new methods for self-management. For complex tasks or multi-step assignments, a visual checklist can help younger students visually account for essential pieces of the assignment. The checklist also guides students as they plan and execute a project in logical order.

 

In addition to a checklist or to-do memo, teachers should plan to meet frequently with students to ensure that components are being completed and progress is getting made during independent work time. A tentative calendar or weekly work schedule could also help students to manage their class time, complete tasks in order of importance, and practice self-monitoring as they work their way through the week.

A Change of Perspective: Activities for the Classroom

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While viewpoints and perspectives tend to be seen as literature-based concepts, learners can truly benefit from this critical thinking skill in any academic content. Why is perspective-taking an important skill? Of course there are the obvious social implications that hinge on one’s ability to see things from another’s vantage point—like developing empathy, navigating others’ emotions, and building deeper connections with peers. In addition, students who are able to cognizantly adopt a different perspective while learning also initiate a better understanding of the content because they are engaging with it in a new or complex way.

 

Below are classroom suggestions and various activities that foster collaboration while encouraging learners to view subjects and opinions from a different lens.

 

  • Optical illusion images are great resources for introducing the concept of multiple perspectives to students, especially for the younger groups. Images like “The old woman/young lady” are natural discussion starters for students to begin to use alternate viewpoints. Teachers can collect and project optical illusion images for students to view. Ask students to remain silent while viewing, but to capture what they seen on a capture sheet for later discussion. After an initial viewing, ask students to pair up with someone that had at least one different observation or conflicting answer on the capture sheet. Then allow pairs to explain their viewpoints to one another.
  • Visuals, such as photos from news articles, magazines, graphic novels, or even stock photos can be the springboard for introducing the concept of perspective-taking with students. Display an image from the local newspaper, preferably one that exhibits or elicits an emotion. Without providing any context or headline, ask students to respond by writing the emotion that the subject or onlooker in the photo might be feeling. Ask students to discuss in groups, specifically focusing on why they think the person in the photo feels this particular way. Next, provide students with the text or article—ask them if their assumptions were correct. As the conversation progresses, ask students to consider the last time that they felt a similar emotion. What caused it? How was their scenario different from the actual news article/event? These group discussions allow students to not only connect with and relate to the article, but also connect with each other through speaking and listening.
  • A lesson around homophones and homographs can be a great way to spark discussions about perspectives and cultural implications. For instance, take a look at the homographs below:

minute – tiny OR a unit of time

moped – behavior demonstrating sadness OR a motorcycle

number – more numb OR a numerical value

row – a line OR to propel a boat

sewer – a drain OR a person who sews

wave – to greet someone by moving the hand OR sea water coming into shore

Depending on a person’s experiences, country/language of origin, home life, environment, etc., the homographs above could generate a number of different instantaneous visuals or subconscious thoughts from person to person. Especially as students age and their abilities to take different vantage points evolves, it is important that they explore the reasons behind all of our different perspectives. Many times, our cultural identities shroud our understanding of the “other side.” Therefore, these intentional practices allow students to come face-to-face with their own perspectives and to question them.

  • “Save the last word for me” is a close reading activity that also prompts discussion and alternate viewpoints. Students begin by reading the same passage independently. Readers are instructed to mark or highlight the line or sentence that they believed was most significant within the passage. One volunteer reads his chosen/highlighted sentence, but provides no reasoning or explanation as to why he considers it to be the most significant. Group mates must add their own interpretation of why that line is significant to the passage; the original volunteer speaks last and confirms/elaborates/clarifies his original choice. This activity encourages discourse around a common text, but relies heavily on the task of “getting into another person’s head.” Students must consider why their peer selected that specific line as significant, and can then speak on how they agree or perhaps found a different line to be more crucial.

 

Enrichment in the Classroom

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Differentiation is a best practice for teaching and learning that you will hopefully see in every classroom. However, much of the focus and attention for differentiating instruction and materials goes towards the neediest students, those who struggle to grasp concepts and information that would be deemed on-level or grade-level appropriate. And rightfully so. It is essential that education be accessible to every level of learner. However, a natural oversight occurs when teachers differentiate mostly for the underachieving students; the gifted, above grade-level, overachievers are left with little enrichment.

 

What does classroom enrichment involve?

Enrichment activities in the classroom can take numerous forms and do not necessarily always involve prescribed lessons from the curriculum. Enrichment encourages students to take a more expansive or in-depth look at a concept or topic, perhaps by further research, approaching it with a different lens or perspective, or connecting the subject to a more meaningful or rewarding facet of the real world. Whatever the activity may involve, the notion or goal is typically the same—encourage further exploration, intrinsic curiosity, and lifelong learning.

 

Key components of enrichment

  • Teachers must use appropriate data and assessment information as guidelines to identify important aspects such as reading level, mathematical competency, etc. These data points allow teachers to provide materials that will truly elevate or enhance the learning without introducing a discouraging level of difficulty.
  • Enrichment must be individualized and match a learner’s capabilities. Assessments to gauge Lexile (reading) levels or math grade-level proficiency allow teachers to see exactly how to group students effectively for enrichment activities. Pairing or grouping students based on these data points allows students to have the option to work collaboratively among learners with similar interests and abilities.
  • Enrichment activities should account for student choice. This means that, while each option for enrichment should revolve around a similar learning goal, the method by which students arrive at that objective can be vastly different depending on their interests or selections.
  • Enrichment should connect to prior knowledge and/or account for cross-curricular connections.

Considerations for enrichment

  • If you, as the teacher, had unlimited time to spend on a subject, genre, topic, concept, etc., what would you want students to explore? Use the answer to this question as the springboard for designing enrichment opportunities.
  • What have students asked to read or learn about? Create a running list of topics in which students have expressed interest. Then begin to curate a collection of texts involving these topics so that students can begin to explore their interests if completing additional research.
  • In what way will students be able to work independently when completing an enrichment activity? Conversely, what would they need additional instruction or assistance with as they work?
  • How will you account for grades or evaluation of the enrichment activity? These learning experiences should not be seen as extra credit or bonus work that won’t be assessed. Students need to know how these additional activities will contribute to not only their overall learning, but also their overall grade.
  • Enrichment might involve multiple rubrics or tiered projects/assignments. The idea behind multiple rubrics is that students are evaluated based on their individual capabilities involving the project or task. Similarly, tiered assignments require students to meet the same basic objectives, but incorporate varying levels of difficulty using text complexity, advanced vocabulary, higher order thinking questions, and different levels of analysis.

Enrichment at Home

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Enrichment is a typical educational buzzword; however, its utility is not limited to the classroom. Parents can play a major role in their child’s academic enrichment—and it is not as intimidating as it may seem. Enrichment does not have to adhere to a specific curriculum, but rather includes any activity that fosters a learning experience.

 

What are enrichment activities?

Enrichment activities at home can take infinite forms and do not necessarily mirror a typical classroom lesson or activity. Enrichment encourages learners to take a more expansive or in-depth look at a concept or topic, perhaps by further research, approaching it with a different lens or perspective, or connecting the subject to a more meaningful or rewarding facet of the real world. Whatever the activity may involve, the notion or goal is typically the same—encourage further exploration, intrinsic curiosity, and lifelong learning.

 

Considerations for enrichment at home

  • First, enrichment at home or in the classroom should never be reduced to extra practice, bonus worksheets, or additional math problems. The key to worthwhile enrichment activities is that they deepen or expand upon a learner’s understanding—they do not simply bombard the learner with additional assignments.
  • Enrichment at home should at least loosely connect to something that your child is learning or has learned in school. However, the enrichment activity itself can really go in any direction once the connection to prior knowledge has been made. This allows children to access their prior knowledge and build upon that through the enrichment activity. Your child is also able to make real-world connections from these learning experiences outside of the classroom.
  • What does your child like to read or study? Create a running list of topics that your child has expressed interest in and use that list to search for learning opportunities around the community that connect to these topics. Kids can get in on the research as well, which helps them to foster natural curiosity and intrinsic motivation for learning.
  • Consider certain learning opportunities that the whole family can partake in, but be sure that the enrichment activity is age-appropriate. This is not the time to overwhelm young learners with topics or concepts that are too abstract, complex, or mature.
  • Enrichment activities should rely heavily on your child’s choices or interests; this is not an opportunity for parents to persuade or nudge a learner’s interests to match their own.

 

Ideas for enrichment at home

  • If your child has read a book for school of particular interest, explore similar titles or other works by the same author to encourage reading for pleasure. Amazon or Barnes and Noble offer easy online searches to provide full lists of novels that other readers enjoyed based on the title you search.
  • Similarly, if a specific genre has grabbed your child’s attention, use that as a springboard for searching other titles or works that fall into the genre or subgenre.
  • If children are learning about a certain time period, author, musician, artist, or country (which they definitely are in school), do a little research of exhibits, documentaries, book talks, movies, or concerts that connect to their prior knowledge of the time period or subject area.
  • Use student-centered websites to present new material when children are on vacation or summer break. NewsELA, National Geographic, CNN 10, and the History Channel offer wonderful, grade-level organized resources for further exploration of a range of topics. You can also modify the searches to account for a child’s specific reading level to ensure that texts are accessible, yet challenging.
  • Consider enrichment opportunities that do not necessarily tie directly to an academic content area. Mentorships, volunteer opportunities, clubs and organizations provide participants with a plethora of skills. Children can learn about time management, giving back, environmental preservation, friendship, collaboration, perspective-taking, listening skills, etc.

Critical Thinking Skills as an Approach to Behaviors at Home

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Especially as children become stir crazy cooped up inside during the winter months, behaviors can begin to plummet. Perhaps routines have been off, bedtimes have been extended, or one too many holiday desserts has sent someone into a tizzy. Whatever the case may be, we can always appreciate a fresh approach to dealing with misbehaviors. If time-outs, confiscated iPads, or groundings are wearing on the family, a different approach could be beneficial. With a little patience—okay, maybe a lot of patience—conversations where parents prompt children to think critically about their behaviors can change the way in which children see misbehaviors all together.

 

Critical thinking encompasses a complex set of higher order thinking skills. As opposed to memorization or fact-based knowledge, critical thinking includes relational, analytical, reflective, argumentative, or systematic thought processes. It is not so much what you know or think, but why or how you know and think that way. Because critical thinking often involves aspects of perspectives and/or decision making, these strategies can be the perfect platform for dealing with behavior management.

 

When siblings or peers argue:

  • Parents can mediate by asking questions about how an argument began. By taking a moment for reflective thinking, children begin to see how a small issue may have escalated or blown out of proportion.
  • If children are calling one another names, diffuse the situation by talking about how these are opinions; they are not based on facts. Just because someone calls you stupid certainly does not mean that you are stupid. These words hurt, of course, but ask your children why this person’s cruelness affects them; do you value this peer’s hurtful opinion?
  • Encourage siblings to take the other’s perspective for a moment. Ask why she thinks her brother acted that way towards her. Why might his friend have behaved this way? The key is not so much in finding the exact purpose, but instead taking a moment to consider where that other person could be coming from.
  • Ask about alternative responses for next time. Is there a better option for dealing with a conflict like this in the future? What is the best way to respond to your little brother next time this happens? What are we not going to do again, and why?

When “so-and-so’s parents” let them do A, B, or C:

  • A rational explanation and some critical thinking can go a long way when children are upset over things that other kids are allowed to do. Calmly explain that everyone’s family operates differently, and so-and-so might be able to stay up until 10 pm simply because their parents work late… Or perhaps so-and-so sleeps in and rushes out the door every morning…Or it is possible that so-and-so feels like a walking zombie at the school most days? Whatever the scenario, remind your child that there are reasons behind your household routines—and another family’s routine is frankly irrelevant.
  • Discuss the implications of these decisions. If a friend is allowed to see R-rated movies, but your children are not, explain how an inappropriate movie could make them scared, uncomfortable, worried, restless, sleepless, and ultimately cranky or sluggish at school. Help them connect the dots between the rules and their purposes so that they see these guidelines as meaningful, instead of arbitrary.
  • Ask your child flat-out: “Besides the fact that so-and-so is allowed, do you have a valid reason or justification for changing the rules this time?” This forces children and teens to justify or support their stance with effective reasoning.

When frustrations boil over:

  • Encourage children to take a beat to evaluate the situation—what can we do to potentially solve this problem or ease this frustration? Think about why this particular task is causing so much frustration and use that as a new point of entry.
  • If math homework is about to cause a fit, take a brain break, walk away from the math packet, and cool down. Then, approach the problem with a cool head and fresh viewpoint. Think about it in “grand scheme of things” terms—is this something that is going to keep me up all night or ruin my month? Chances are, this meltdown will be a non-issue in a matter of hours.
  • Help them break down the problem or situation and tackle the parts that they feel confident about. Remind them to apply what they know and then use those methods to chip away at the task.
  • If the task is still complicated, encourage children to write down exactly what it is that they don’t know or are missing—what would they need to solve this problem or complete this assignment?
  • Apply the skill to a simpler problem and use that momentum to approach the more complex problem. Oftentimes, in simplifying a question, we are better able to see aspects of the problem that we may have missed due to the complexity.

When problems are on the cusp or horizon:

  • Call it psychic power or paternal/maternal observations, but parents are often able to tell when an issue, conflict, or temper is about to erupt. Teach children this reflective skill by modeling how to gauge one’s feelings and emotions. This helps to avoid or circumvent conflicts or attitudes that could be problematic.
  • Discuss the concept of foresight and how such anticipation can help in our decision making. Remind children that everything they do has an impact or effect on those around them.
  • In considering these implications, children are able to pause to consider the ripple effect that any decision might have. The ability to contemplate and deliberate based on past experiences and logical reasoning allows children to make more informed choices, and thus behave in more considerate or responsible ways.