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Tough Conversations: A Tool for Parents, Part II

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Now that we have scratched the surface of the compass from Singleton’s “Courageous Conversations about Race,” it is time to discuss exactly how parents can utilize the compass when having other courageous conversations with their teens. While the compass was originally designed as a method for structuring respectful and productive conversations around race, the same philosophies can apply when tackling tough discussions with teens at home.

Recognize and Validate an Emotional Viewpoint

Understand that, hormonally and developmentally, it is probable that many debates or discussions with your teen will result in your child entering and participating in the conversation from the emotional axis of the compass—and this is okay. Help your teen recognize when he or she is entering the conversation from an emotional angle by first validating his or her feelings. Simply acknowledging their feelings by starting with, “I see that you’re upset and I understand why” will allow teens to remove any defensiveness if a discussion becomes emotional on their end. Remind them and yourself that emotions can run high, and a conflict or argument can greatly benefit from some breathing room. If the discussion becomes combative or unproductive, allow your teen some time to pause, settle, and reflect before proceeding with the conversation. In the heat of the moment, emotions can take over, allowing no room for seeing someone else’s point of view.

Capitalize on Opportunities to Discuss Morality

Entering an important or intense conversation from the moral quadrant of the compass can be an enlightening experience for parents and teens. Let’s say that your teen was caught cheating on an exam. When discussing the situation, approach their misstep from a moral angle. First, ask why they decided to cheat—did they not study enough? Were they afraid of the possibility of failure? Were they trying to appease you with a good grade? What prompted this decision to cheat? Their answer will act as your springboard for discussing the moral implications of cheating. If the fear of failure is what spurred their decision, discuss that success is much more than a letter grade—true success or achievement means reaching an authentic goal or milestone, and there is nothing authentic about a grade that you didn’t earn. Allow them an opportunity to discuss how they quantify what is moral or right versus behavior that is immoral or inherently wrong.

Cold-hard Facts Can Help a Teen See the Light

An intellectual or level-headed approach to a conversation is easier said than done, especially when dealing with adolescents. When parents find themselves in a discussion, debate, or all-out conflict with their teen, it may help to have some fun facts on their side. Encourage your teen to look at the logical approach to an issue by presenting them with sound reasoning or resources to do the searching themselves. When teens have the opportunity to seek logical reasons for or against an important decision, they are less likely to make rash or rebellious decisions. Avoid playing the “know-it-all” role by helping them seek answers, as opposed to throwing answers at them or blatantly coercing their viewpoints.

Tough Conversations: A Tool for Parents, Part I

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The “Courageous Conversations Compass,” a tool for ensuring that conversations around race and culture are productive in the workplace, was designed and shared by Glenn Singleton and Curtis Linton to promote courageous yet respectful dialogue. Public school personnel, especially Montgomery County Public School teachers, are probably familiar with both Courageous Conversations and Singleton and Linton’s compass. I personally have encountered instruction or reference to the compass on several instances during professional development classes and trainings, staff meetings, and parent conferences.

What began as a tool for the education realm has evolved into a helpful resource for several different types of conversations requiring courage, honesty, and perspective-taking. For struggling parents, an understanding of the compass and the philosophy behind its methods could certainly help facilitate communication with their teens.

What is the compass?

The compass, pictured below, is a visual, symbolic reference point that participants use to assist in communicating when conversations and viewpoints are not only difficult, but divergent. The four points of the compass, which help to identify from which perspective a participant is entering the conversation, are moral, intellectual, emotional, and relational. When we speak to others, especially about controversial or deeply personal topics, we typically go into the conversation with a certain mindset. The axis from which we enter a conversation depends on our experiences, values, beliefs, and opinions.

Additionally, we may enter a conversation from a combination of two or more points on the compass; it all depends on our thought processes pertaining to the specific topic of discussion. For example, on the very relevant topic of violence in schools, the discussion can quickly morph into a debate, which can then digress into an all-out argument. The reason that a controversial conversation like this would escalate quickly is because participants are entering the conversation from several different points on the compass.

For instance, a family member of a victim of gun violence would likely enter the conversation from an emotional standpoint—the topic resonates with their feelings because of their personal experiences. These feelings will conflict with or push back against a person who enters the conversation on the intellectual axis because it is hard to separate logic and emotion objectively. Therefore, the person who enters from an intellectual standpoint may try to use statistics, data, or trends to argue that guns do more to protect or defend people than to hurt them. However, this is a futile attempt for the intellectual if trying to persuade or counter a person’s emotional viewpoint. Likewise, people entering from the emotional axis will tune out the statistics—a statistic does not account for their lost loved one.

While this is just one example of how we enter the compass, the true value of the conversation strategy is that it allows us to recognize and reflect on why we may converse, debate, or argue the way that we do. It also allows us to gauge how and why another person would express themselves in such a vastly different way. The compass allows us to see, not only where we are coming from, but where the “other side” is coming from. At the root of this method is a deeply reflective practice in perspective-taking. The compass shows us that neither opinion is incorrect or invaluable; instead, it highlights why we disagree when it comes to such contentious topics. So how can we utilize this tool when speaking with our teens? Read ahead to learn how to implement methods for productive conversations using the compass.

Discussing Culture at Home

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Because cultural diversity is something that all children will be exposed to throughout their schooling, it is important for families to have a handle on the topic as well. Truth be told, an appreciation for diversity and cultural differences begins in the home. Why? Well, children learn from what they see, hear, and experience. Therefore, a parent’s opinion of their own culture or someone else’s is likely to trickle down to the child. Consequently, prejudice or animosity towards another’s culture can also be passed down. Like it or not, children can be predisposed to dislike others based on their beliefs, traditions, or values. This is why it is so important to have conversations about cultural diversity and appreciation early on so that children can have a strong foundation of respect for others.

  • You are your child’s first and best role model. Therefore, it is imperative that you think about how you speak to and about others. Be direct and deliberate about your appreciation for others. Remind your child that beauty is on the inside; it’s not correlated with any particular skin tone, body type, facial structure, etc. If you catch yourself saying something ignorant or insensitive, have an open and honest discussion with your child about how you were wrong in making that remark. Brushing it under the rug or claiming that you were “just kidding” only perpetuates the problem of ignorance. Seeing you correct yourself will demonstrate an important lesson to your child about owning up to and apologizing for one’s own cultural deficits.

  • Utilize the abundant options of children’s books available to introduce different cultures, religions, and lifestyles. Titles such as Where Does God Live?, Over the Moon, Don’t Call Me Special, and The Skin You Live In are great resources to begin conversations around identity, diversity, and respect. Introduce movies, music, and television shows that depict an array of different cultures, traditions, or family units. The more we expose our children to different cultures, the more they will begin to value their diverse classrooms, neighborhoods, and communities.

  • Show your children that learning about how others live can be fun—and tasty! Incorporate a few new menu options to give your child a taste of another culture. Make it a family event and get the kids cooking in the kitchen. Talk about how certain foods or meals are used for specific celebrations in other parts of the world. Then, mark the calendar and prepare to celebrate holidays and events like Cinco de Mayo, the Chinese New Year, Fat Tuesday, or the Special Olympics. You can also help to make connections to other cultures by equating your own traditions with others’ traditions. For instance, if your child is having a sweet 16, discuss how that party might be similar to a bar mitzvah or Quinceañera.  

How to Discuss Current Events: Elementary School

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To be quite honest, the news these days can be downright scary. Even for adults, the nightly news and breaking headlines have the potential to shift our entire mood and sense of security. If this is the case for a grown adult, what might a child think about the current events that splash across the screen? As impossible as it may seem, there are strategies that parents can employ to help their families navigate the current climate.

For young elementary schoolers, about age 6 and under, the negative news stories have very little to offer that can benefit young, impressionable minds. For the most part, unless the story is an inspirational piece, perhaps involving people overcoming obstacles, the younger kids should be shielded from the news.

If your child happens to hear, see, or come across the news during your absence, perhaps at school or a friend’s house, be open about answering their questions. Don’t discourage or downplay any concerns they might have by shutting down the conversation or glossing over their worries.

If they have already heard some troubling news, shift the conversation to a more positive route by providing reassurance that your family is not in danger. However, if the news happens to hit close to home, talk about how to stay safe and secure. Provide them with reassuring information about how to handle different emergency situations–severe weather, fire, separation in a public place, etc.

For the young ones, especially, wrap the conversation up by shifting to a happy, cheerful topic. Perhaps you read a silly book together or watch your favorite family show. The point is to move the conversation and potential negative thoughts out and replace them with more pleasant things.

For older elementary schoolers, it is likely that they will be exposed to more information, current events, and political topics. While you cannot shield them from everything, you should be careful to consider their level of maturity and sensitivity when allowing them to watch or search certain news topics. Parents should be especially careful to limit or filter information about news or events that relate to their child’s age group. For example, school violence or teen suicide are topics that hit way too close to home for older elementary schoolers. The more they can relate to the news story, the more traumatic or frightening it can be for children.

Consider setting filters and restrictions on certain channels or websites. Be open with your children about why certain material may be inappropriate. Emphasize that this is not about distrust or a punishment in any way, but an effort to do what is best for them emotionally. Again, respect what questions they may have, but be sure to highlight the good news going on in the world around them.

Be cognizant of your own opinions, as these are likely to become your child’s opinions. The trust and reliance that a child has in their parent’s point of view is undeniable. Children truly do absorb everything around them—including the belief systems that you voice in and out of the home.

Be careful when making statements that lump groups of people together, create a divide among certain groups, or portray others in a negative light. Phrases like “they always…” or “we would never…” are sweeping generalizations that can slowly mold your child’s beliefs about entire groups of people.

By meeting your children where they are, developmentally and emotionally, and keeping the lines of communication open, you can help them navigate the news they hear and come to terms with the world around them.

Change What Your Child Thinks About Studying

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For those of us not blessed with a photographic memory, study skills are essential to our ability to grasp and retain information and concepts. We often think of studying as something that students do in preparation for a test—and while this is often the case, we want to set different expectations for studying. We want young learners to recognize the study skills that benefit them the best and to discover that studying is more than just a test-prep practice.

For elementary schoolers, studying, like many other aspects of education, is a new concept. Because they are just beginning to form their understanding of how to study and why, the elementary grades offer a great opportunity to put positive studying routines into place.
Teach elementary schoolers that studying is for more than just preparing for assessments. Studying should be introduced as a regular routine for reviewing and solidifying all content, not just test topics. By viewing a studying routine as a consistent homework practice, there is less pressure put on students when it comes to studying for an exam. They will be used to the process and aware of the strategies that help them the best.

To introduce this regular homework routine, at first devote a small amount of time to the practice. Begin by reviewing the night’s completed homework assignment or material from school that day. Encourage rereading as a friendly method to get the process started. Explain to your child that rereading helps to cement information and allows him or her to memorize key details. Prompt them to mark and look up any terms or phrases that they do not recognize or remember from class. This shows them how to be active readers and take initiative if they do not know something.

A studying practice should not be made to feel like an additional homework assignment; if elementary schoolers see it as extra work, they are likely to avoid it. Use maybe 5-10 minutes of homework time to “review” important concepts from the day. Ask your child to summarize the reading material or math steps that s/he focused on during the assignment. You can also ask your child to “teach” you how to do one of the math problems that s/he practiced for homework. Encourage them to jot down any questions that they may want to ask their teacher tomorrow, or circle any concepts that they found to be confusing while practicing on their own.

Use the “peak/pit” conversation to get your elementary schooler to think critically about what s/he learned today. Ask your child to say his or her favorite and least favorite part of the school day. Then ask him or her to explain why something was especially interesting or boring. This allows them to truly reflect on new concepts that they are grasping, while providing you with some insight into their budding interests. Remember to share your own “peak/pit” with your child. This helps to demonstrate that learning is a life-long process—we adults may be through our schooling, but we haven’t stopped learning new things.

If your elementary schooler seems particularly interested in a certain topic, try to find age-appropriate magazine articles, books, or documentaries about related topics. Playing off of a child’s interests will make learning feel less like work and more like a hobby.

Developing Grit: A Guide for Parents Part II

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In the first part of this “gritty” topic, we explored how a lack of grit may have significant consequences for children and teens. We left off with a powerful quote from one of today’s most gritty inspirations—J.K. Rowling. In a commencement speech at Harvard, Rowling explained,

“Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way…It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”

Rowling’s message reminds young people to embrace struggle for what it teaches us. Moreover, parents can provide guidance in fostering grit by encouraging more than just learning from our missteps.

How can we ensure that our children and teens develop grit?

Practice

Practice is rooted in the concept of growth mindset—this idea that, with strategic effort and drive, anyone can improve. Since grit involves the desire and drive to persevere through obstacles or setbacks, practice is a key component for developing that drive, or grit. The purpose behind practice is two-fold—students need to learn to expect that tasks, skills, and talents require practice. Children and teens should also expect to continue that level of effort by practicing, even after experiencing failure. A student with grit knows that reaching one’s goals requires much more than one lucky attempt. Look at any success story and you’ll find that the person’s success was likely built on a foundation of trial and error. To encourage grit, provide teens with examples of successful risk-takers, or those who have achieved great success after years—sometimes decades—of practice and failed attempts.

Motive

Parents can also help children build grit by discussing motives or reasons for working through challenges. Having conversations about future goals with children and teens is a solid starting point for introducing grit. Pose topics for discussion like, “What if everyone gave up on their dreams after one attempt? How many inventors, creators, performers, and athletes would our world be lacking?” Or, “If failure was not possible, what dream or goal would you strive to reach?” Parents can also provide their children with examples of their own motivation. Talk about how you have experienced your own failures or obstacles—discuss what you learned from those tough moments and how motivation outshined exasperation or defeat. In discussing the reasons for sticking with a goal, no matter the difficulty, children learn to see struggle as a necessary step in learning or growing.

Small steps  

Children and teens also need to be reminded of the fact that nothing worth achieving will come easily; success is not accomplished overnight. A common trait of people lacking grit is that they will expect to succeed on the first attempt. Moreover, a level of impatience ensues when success is not met instantaneously. Remind children that even small achievements are bringing them that much closer to their goal. Victories, no matter what they be, take time. Children should remember that even the smallest wins contribute to their larger goal—so they can absolutely celebrate the baby steps along the way. Practices such as positive self-talk and checking off small accomplishments can revitalize a discouraged learner. Parents can model this positivity by tackling their own challenges, or by stepping out of the box and participating in a new activity. We must continue to not only challenge ourselves, but welcome and embrace the challenge for what it gives us—grit.    

 

Developing Grit: A Guide for Parents

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Grit, as it pertains to behavior and motivation, has been a popular buzzword in the education world as of late. Perhaps the reason that it has taken center stage is the fact that today’s adolescents are overwhelmingly lacking in grit. Merriam-Webster defines grit as “firmness of character; indomitable spirit.” Grit, however, is much more than sheer determination. Furthermore, grit should not be misconstrued as a trait of stubbornness. This characteristic is substantially more complex than the unwillingness to accept failure, and yet, it has a great deal to do with one’s failures. As Angela Duckworth, who’s garnered a following after her TED talk on grit, claims: grit should be defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.”

With such an emphasis on grit, or rather, the absence of it among today’s youth, it is an essential topic of discussion for parents. What does grit look like? What is the danger of an absence of grit? Since it is such a crucial attribute, how can we ensure that our children and teens develop grit?

A world without grit:

If we were to describe today’s young people in one word, including my own fellow millennials, our generation and those that have followed could be considered “soft.” Coddled, entitled, and sheltered also come to mind when I think about young people today. Some may not know it, but this “softness”—this inability to persevere or handle setbacks—is indicative of a lack of grit.

The unfortunate (and terrifying) truth is that many of today’s recent high school graduates, though perfectly capable applicants on paper, are abysmally ill-equipped to thrive on their own at the university level. Most likely, much of primary school was smoke and mirrors—students were given an A for effort, innumerable opportunities to reassess or resubmit assignments, and gratuitous applause. While it is important to reference the value of self-esteem, the pendulum may have swung too far in the direction of sensitivity.

Parents need to be aware of this lack of grit, because teachers, professors, and employers certainly are. What we are seeing now is that the slightest difficulty, obstacle, or discouragement renders today’s teens completely helpless—any effort or motivation that they may have had for their end goal becomes dashed by fears of failure the moment they sense anything less than perfection on the horizon. Teens are so used to unwarranted praise or the metaphorical “participation trophy” that they are incapable of picking themselves up by their bootstraps, getting back on the horse, dusting off to try again, and any other euphemism alluding to grit. We are raising the “1-and-done” generation, who would rather sell themselves short than experience a nanosecond of discomfort, failure, or rejection.

Without grit, teens become young adults that, while dutiful followers, will never risk failure for a leadership opportunity. They will choose predictable or comfortable stability over spirited, or self-determined, trailblazing every time. They will blame any setback or perceived rejection on the “powers that be” or anything outside of their control. They will consider any criticism as an attack, as opposed to an opportunity to reflect and grow with that knowledge. Students lacking grit become adults who only explore inside the box, and only play when the odds are in their favor.

One of the most “gritty” writers said it best:

“Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way…It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” J.K. Rowling

Read on to find out more about the correlation between grit and failure, as well as tips for encouraging grit at home and in school in Part II of Developing Grit: A Guide for Parents.

Self-Sufficiency: For the Middle School Ages

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Self-advocacy, responsibility, and independence are life skills that are certainly called upon once children reach middle school. No longer do they have one teacher that is responsible for knowing all of their assignments for each subject, nor do they have recess to run off their excess energy. Additionally, homework, reading assignments and lockers all make for a challenging transition from elementary school to middle school.

Middle school is also the time when teachers and parents begin to expect students to have more of a handle in their own schooling—meaning that they take on the active role, while parents help more from the sidelines. That said, middle schoolers who are underperforming or struggling socially may be experiencing the ripple effect of a lack of self-sufficiency. To combat the dependence that may not have been shed during elementary school, you can still help middle schoolers build a strong foundation for self-sufficiency.

  • “My job, your job, our job” is a common strategy that teachers use when introducing class expectations in middle school. Parents, too, can take this straight from the teacher’s playbook to use at home. Very clearly explain the expectations for completing homework each night. Families can set up these expectations together so that everyone is in agreement from the get-go.
My Job (child) Your Job (parent) Our Job (child & parent)
Write down my homework for each class before leaving the classroom Provide child with agenda book or calendar for organizing assignments Keep technology out of the homework area during work time
Organize items that must be returned to school Double check that a “bring back” folder does, in fact, return to school in the backpack Track grades online
Complete all homework assignments to the best of my ability Support homework time by removing distractions and assisting when necessary Email/contact teachers if assignments, due dates, or grades are unclear

 

  • Encourage middle schoolers to clean up their own messes and tackle their own problems. If your child forgets her project on the kitchen counter, pause a moment before you speed to the school to deliver the assignment. Yes, if you don’t rush to her rescue, she will have to suffer the consequences of forgetting the assignment, but the lesson that she will learn will be invaluable. She will have to talk to the teacher, negotiate an alternative option for submission, and take responsibility by accepting the late credit.
  • How will suffering the consequences do any good? Think about this like removing the training wheels. Your child may take a spill, but they’ll never learn to ride the bike if the training wheels are always on to hold her up. She will remember this moment the next time a large assignment rolls around, and will surely double check that the project is in her backpack before she heads out the door.

  • Set high expectations while also praising effort, even in the face of failure. Self-sufficiency truly blossoms when children learn to pick themselves back up. Every time that they solve a problem, fix their errors, and give it another shot, they are developing grit and self-sufficiency. The knowledge that they can strategize and attempt challenges on their own builds confidence and self-esteem—two qualities with which many middle schoolers likely struggle.

Monitoring Grades and Assignments: Tips for Parents

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The rise of technology in the classroom has undoubtedly changed the way in which assignments are structured, dispensed, completed, and graded. With many assignments being posted, completed, and assessed through a password-secured online forum, it is no wonder that parents are left scratching their heads. Though the technology provides a sense of ease for teachers and students, parents may struggle to get their hands on tangible assignments, grades, and feedback.

There are a few tips that parents can employ to help to ensure that the digital classroom is an asset, instead of an obstacle, for families.

  • Ask your child’s teacher for “guardian access” to online forums like Google Classroom. This provides parents with their own means of logging into the virtual classroom. Guardian access also allows parents to set email alerts anytime a new announcement, assignment, or grade is posted. This means that parents receive notifications in real time, as opposed to having to wait for their child to bring home the new assignment or rubric. 
  • With the rise of available classroom technology, many schools are adopting a “paperless policy” for most class documents. If tangible copies of assignments and other classwork are preferred, consider printing the documents from home and reviewing them with your child. This strategy allows parents and students the opportunity to look closely and review the assignment or project together. Printing the rubrics or assignments also allows children to have a tangible copy at home, in addition to the digitally posted document. Parents can also print the graded work from Google Classroom to review the comments and suggestions that the teacher has left. 
  • With the option to print and review teachers’ comments, suggestions, and edits, an excellent practice is for parents and children to review the feedback while simultaneously going over the rubric. This allows children to see exactly how their errors translated into the grade that they received. Not only does it provide clarity by showing that a grade is not an arbitrary score, but it allows the opportunity for students to review and discuss their strengths and weaknesses. With the prevalence of reassessments and rewrites, students can also use this review as a starting point for their second draft or attempt at the assignment. 
  • If only the grades are showing up online, and the actual assignment or test is not coming home, ask your child if the tangible paper has been returned. It is possible that the paper copy, once returned, was shoved haphazardly in a binder or locker. Consider creating a “bring home” folder of all graded work. This can be a simple pocket folder in which your child keeps any returned graded work. This way, you can collect, organize, and monitor assignments for your child until he or she is ready to take on that responsibility independently. 
  • Often times, your child’s digital classroom includes a weekly or monthly calendar with due dates, PDF copies of handouts, class notes, and other key information. Parents can either print the calendar, or create their own in tangible or digital form. Transfer or copy all of the due dates onto your parent copy of the calendar and post the monthly assignments on the refrigerator or someplace else that is accessible. This provides children and parents with a constant reminder of approaching deadlines and other important school events.

Tantrums, Tears and Tempers: Behavior is Communication

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As any educator will tell you, the behavioral component of teaching young people is one of the main aspects of the career that keeps us on our toes. From one day to the next, the behaviors and emotions that emerge can be as fleeting as a passing thunderstorm. Perhaps the ultimate display of student behaviors rears its head in middle school, when students’ hormones, egos, peer groups, and emotions oscillate on a new level. On days in the classroom where it feels as though I am extinguishing fires all day long, the one saving grace is this reminder: these unkind behaviors come from somewhere specific.

Anger is a secondary emotion. For preteens and teenagers, an emotional explosion or reaction can be like a screaming teapot—suddenly, we notice the steam and hear the shrieking, but what we perhaps did not see moments before was the bubbling that quickly became a rolling boil. A child’s temperament is very much the same in that, seemingly out of nowhere, an emotion can shift. Anger, especially, is an emotion that likely began as something else. Perhaps it grew from frustration, regret, disappointment, etc. Either way, anger is more of the reaction to the initial emotion or incident. Therefore, it is important for teachers to remember that this unfavorable attitude, behavior, or demeanor is coming from somewhere specific. The student himself may not even be cognitively aware of the origin of his frustration; however, a few quick observations can help educators mediate when emotions reach a boiling point.

What was happening right before the emotional outburst? If a teacher can recall the mood of the room or situation prior to a student’s tantrum, they are more likely to pinpoint how the situation escalated. Perhaps the student had just received a low grade on a quiz for which they had thought they’d thoroughly studied. Or maybe a peer took his or her pencil without asking. Even a slight tiff can be the cause of a major meltdown in the classroom. Furthermore, ask yourself if you have noticed anything that may have triggered the student’s response. Has this student been especially moody, withdrawn, or combative lately? Have you noticed a change in her peer group or level of interaction with peers? Have you spoken to parents or noticed a change in grades or motivation? Sometimes a bad day or bad week is just simply that—but other times, the behaviors can be prolonged or escalated.

Seek to understand. Once you have provided a moment for the student to cool off, either in the hall, at the desk, or in a quiet corner of the room, approach the student from the lens of seeking to understand. Too often “What’s wrong?” is met with a non-response or further frustration on the student’s part. Instead, ask the student: “What do you need from me?” or “What can I do to help you get through this tough situation?” A question like this works two-fold—you are showing students that you recognize their emotions/feelings, while also approaching the conversation by expressing your desire to help or fix the situation. When teachers ask students how they can help the situation, it also reminds students that they are not alone in whatever it is that they’re reacting to. This simple gesture can deescalate the tears and tempers quite quickly.  

Whatever you do, do not react. It’ll sound silly, but I occasionally have to remind myself that I am the adult in the room, which means that my students are looking to me for guidance. My tone, attitude, and behavior should be the constant in the room—the one that sets the mood and expectations of the classroom environment. Anyone who has spent any amount of time in a room with 35 teenagers knows that this is much easier said than done. Remember that these are children with child-like emotions and reactions. Also consider the likelihood that the tantrum has nothing to do with you or your class—instead, it could be related to any number of stressors in that child’s life that you know nothing about. However, when tempers flare, take a moment to breathe before your approach the situation—never has gasoline been known to smother a blaze.