Building Up Self-Esteem in the Classroom

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i-741519_1280Social-emotional development is a key aspect of growth for children, especially during the teenage years. Questions, conflicts, and angst revolving around one’s identity are indicative of this tempestuous stage in life. Many adolescents, if not all, struggle with building self-esteem. As educators, we have the opportunity to not only teach, but to lead by example.

I, like many adults, can personally relate to my sporadically insecure and apprehensive middle schoolers. The braces, blemishes, and all of those other lovely aspects of my own adolescent years are fresh in my mind when I stand in front of my classes—their hesitant expressions are another reminder of how hard it is to be a teenager. However, two things that can lessen the blow of adolescence are a positive outlook and a resilient self-esteem.

Methods to address the insecurities change from day to day, and vary depending on the student. Obviously, what makes one student feel comfortable and confident may not be the key for another. Even so, there are ways to make a teacher’s classroom, instruction, and demeanor more conducive to building students’ self-esteem.

Be open about your own flaws or weaknesses

For the most part, it is common for students to expect perfection and level-headedness from their teachers to a certain degree. This is evident by the fact that they are shocked and humored when we miscalculate, misspell, or misconstrue something. They are even more shocked to see us scrambling through the mall in sweats and a baseball hat on a Saturday. While mildly embarrassing to us, these somewhat amusing instances are truly beneficial to building our students’ self-esteem.

Capitalize on these opportunities by shattering the belief that perfection is the key to high self-esteem. Yes, teachers are tasked with teaching our subjects, but we are not the “almighty keepers of the knowledge.” We are human beings that have flaws and make mistakes. Embrace these blunders in the classroom—they show our students that, just like teenagers, we adults make mistakes, too. This realization that everyone makes mistakes helps students accept their own missteps and build self-esteem.

Show your true colors

Learning occurs when students take risks in the classroom. Risk-taking is also a sign of confidence and self-esteem. If we teachers are not presenting our true selves, how can we expect our students to feel comfortable enough to show their own true colors? In order to foster these themes of confidence, honesty, and authenticity in the classroom, we must truly practice what we preach.

Beware, though, that adolescents have the uncanny ability to detect phoniness. They are observant, intuitive, and critical. Therefore, it is not the easiest task for teachers to wear all of the hats and still remain authentic in the classroom. All at once, we must maintain professionalism, provide engagement, and remain enthusiastic about the lesson, while also cracking down on behaviors and managing 30+ teenagers in a room. This can be quite a tall order; however, exhibiting your own confidence in the classroom is key to encouraging your students’ self-esteem. Just as parents should model good self-esteem at home, teachers should lead by example, as well.

Explain that “this too shall pass”

Another honest conversation that teachers can have with students in order to foster self-esteem involves discussions of the future. It is easy for anyone to get caught up or discouraged by difficulties happening in the here and now. This is especially true for teenagers. Teens are developmentally prone to “sweat the small stuff.” As a teen, I remember overreacting, dramatizing, and fixating on what turned out to be tiny non-problems. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but genuine discussions about how to look past our problems and put things into perspective will nurture a positive outlook.

As teachers, we know that personal connections can make all the difference with our students. Sharing anecdotes about my own struggles and slip-ups growing up allows me to relate to my students and relay strategies that worked versus those that didn’t quite pan out. Showing your students that you can relate to their insecurities is beneficial; showing students that you’ve shed your insecurities and built-up your self-esteem over time can be even more beneficial.

At the start of this school year, I hung two pictures outside of my classroom—my school photo from 6th grade and another from 8th grade. I don’t have to tell you that these photos are beyond embarrassing. My students know all too well that, since hormones run high and self-esteem runs low, these teenage years present plenty of challenges. By sharing your own weaknesses, exhibiting authenticity, and discussing your own fluctuations of self-esteem, teachers have the ability to lead by example and foster positive self-images in the classroom.

Keep Your Cool When Things Are Not

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Keeping Your Cool When Things Are Not

The most rewarding aspect of educating young people can be the unpredictability of it all. Ironically, the most daunting aspect of teaching can be the unpredictability of it all. We plan, we practice, we arrange, we redirect, and yet every day in the classroom is a gauntlet of unforeseeable events. All educators will tell you that one of the best parts of the job is being able to work amongst all of the dynamic personalities that students bring to school. However, this can also be the most challenging aspect, as well.

Look at the bigger picture

Behavior management can often be a tall order, especially for novice teachers. Disruptions and disrespect will occur at some point. However, even the most difficult students have a reason for their behaviors. We may be unaware of the catalyst, but something certainly causes the waves of negative behavior that we encounter in the classroom.

Students arrive at school with a myriad of different emotions brewing. It is not always obvious how our students are feeling—or why. Teachers may not be privy to the happenings at home or the drama among peers. It is easier said than done, but teachers must try to remember that the student is not defined by his or her behavior—this behavior is coming from a specific place.

Use a behavior mishap as a teachable moment

When students misbehave, it is a typical instinct to reprimand or place blame. The truth is, behaviors stem from somewhere. Before rushing to judgments, consider a few things—What did the student do? What motivated him or her to act out? Was this an intentional action? Has he or she done this before? These questions can even be asked during a worthwhile conversation between teacher and student. When speaking with a student about behavior modification:

  • Speak directly, clearly, and objectively about how the behavior disrupted the classroom environment
  • Explain that he or she took learning time from classmates
  • Remind the student of the classroom expectations
  • Ask why he or she decided to disregard the expectation
  • Ask how he or she should have reacted in that moment
  • Show that you understand the student’s feelings or frustrations
  • Provide a reasonably proportionate consequence

A firm but calm response is the best approach to defuse a frustrating behavior moment. Again, this is easier said than done, but adding fuel to the fire by reacting is never a good strategy. Teachers will undoubtedly find themselves struggling to maintain their cool. Sure, it is human nature to react when provoked—but remember, something likely provoked the student’s behavior, too.

With that in mind, when the wheels fall off, remember this mantra: keep calm and teach on!

How to Deal With Frustration: Bad Day Remedies For Your Child

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How to Deal With Frustration: Bad Day Remedies For Your Child

We’ve all experienced different degrees of frustration at some point. Our boiling points can fall on a scale from spilled coffee or a flat tire, to a traffic collision or a serious health condition. Frustration is commonly defined as, “a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs” (Merriam-Webster).  Knowing this, one could conclude that frustration is typically linked to a lack of control over one’s situation.

Frustration is not an emotion limited to adults, however. Newborns experience frustration, too. In fact, frustration in babies and children may be greater due to the fact that they have less control over what goes on in their world. So how can we teach children to recognize, cope with, and manage frustration? In the same way that we ourselves must deal with it.

Be Positive

Seeing the silver lining is not always easy to do in the moment, especially for youngsters. Because the concept of the future is not something that young children readily consider, it is especially difficult for them to see beyond this frustrating occurrence. Reassure your child that this frustration that they are feeling is a temporary emotion.

Ask them questions like, “Is this something that will realistically still be upsetting you tomorrow?” Or, “What can we look forward to when this frustrating moment is over?” Asking your child to look beyond the current “bad” situation will help him or her to recognize frustration as a fleeting and temporary feeling.

Ask and Accept

When frustrations arise, many children (and adults, too) are unsure of what to do with this emotion. When children are frustrated, have them ask themselves what exactly it is that is upsetting them. It may help to have them write down the events that instigated the initial frustration. By pinpointing the root of the stress, children can begin to understand how to better deal with a similar situation in the future.

Likewise, when reflecting on the day, most people will find that the catalyst of the frustration was something that was beyond their control. It is important for children to learn that things are going to happen that they cannot change. Sometimes, the only thing that we can control is our reactions to situations. This is especially difficult for youngsters, whose impulsive nature can sometimes get the best of them. Acceptance is a necessary part of managing stress and frustration.

Plan For Next Time

Perhaps the benefit of experiencing frustration is that it gives children a chance to learn something. When children look closely at their frustrations, they will begin to see that even little things, such as oversleeping on a school day, could have unforeseen consequences. A moment of frustration could teach them to set an extra alarm, study a few days in advance, tell the truth the first time, clean up after themselves, etc. Either way, talking about actions and their effects is a helpful way to show children how to be proactive in the future.
Avoiding frustration is impossible, but managing it is not. The sooner children learn to work through frustrating moments, the better equipped they will be at handling themselves in stressful situations.

Surviving Standardized Testing Season

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The end of the school year may be in sight, but one of the final hurdles, perhaps the most strenuous one, is on the horizon—state testing season. Around this time, students in Maryland and across the country are gearing up for hours of testing. These standardized assessments are typically spread across multiple, consecutive days. However, in some cases, over a week of school days are set aside for testing. Depending on a student’s current grade level or graduation plans, the gravity of these state tests can vary. However, one thing is true for all students—the tests are draining. It’s not just students that feel the heat, however. Parents, teachers, and administrators are under a great deal of pressure during testing season as well.

For parents

  • This is a stressful time for families. Parents can help ease the test anxiety by telling their children that, like any assessment, these tests are simply one measure of proficiency. They are not indicative of a person’s overall intelligence or ability; the score should not define children’s perception of themselves.
  • Plan some after-school activities that allow children to expel any pent up energy. Since testing schedules can mean long, stagnant periods of sitting and focusing on a screen, parents will want to consider outdoor activities that allow kids to socialize, stretch their legs, get some fresh air, and utilize creativity. This could mean visiting an obstacle course or trampoline park, decorating the driveway with sidewalk chalk, setting up scavenger hunt, or taking the dog for a walk around the neighborhood.
  • Help prepare children to be in tip-top test-taking shape by setting them up for success at home. This means encouraging a regular bedtime, planning to eat a healthy breakfast to stave off hunger pangs, and suggesting comfortable layered clothing in case the classroom temperature fluctuates.
  • Ask the school about accommodations that will or will not be provided, as well as any other concerns:
    • Will children with IEPs and 504 plans be provided with their usual testing accommodations?
    • Will classes be testing by homeroom, English class, or math class, etc.?
    • What will the whole school schedule look like?
    • Will classes continue with instruction as usual?
    • Will students still see all of their classes/teachers?
    • Should students expect to have homework or other assignments during the testing week?
    • Are students permitted to bring water bottles, snacks, or have bathroom breaks as needed?
    • Is there an option to opt out of the assessment? If so, how does one formally request that a child opt out and what will he/she be doing during testing?
  • Visit the local library or bookstore to help your child select a new book to read during any downtime while testing is going on. Check with your school about their testing policy; however, most schools allow children to read during the testing block once they have finished that segment. Allow your child to read a book purely out of interest. This will allow them to take a brain break from the monotony of testing and truly engage in something that they have chosen to enjoy.

Promote Intrigue in Reluctant Readers

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I am certain that everyone who has been through school has had to endure the hardship of “required reading.” For students, the complaints regarding assigned texts can range from boring and irrelevant to abstract or obscure. For some, the mandatory novels are considered beyond complex and actually cross over into arduous territory. Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales was one such text for me—and truthfully, I haven’t touched it since sophomore year in high school English. At the time, I considered Chaucer’s collection of stories to be pointless. But what if I’d been given additional layers of questions to pique my interest while reading? Instead of simply assigning analysis and comprehension questions, encourage reluctant readers by making connections to the text that they did not know were there.

 

Questions for readers to consider

 

  • At any point in the novel, do you recognize aspects of your own personality in any of the characters? Explain.

 

      • This question prompts readers to consider the human component at play when characters develop throughout a work of literature. Good, bad, or otherwise, no matter the text, there is likely some way in which even the most unenthusiastic readers can relate to or see themselves in one of the characters.
      • The similarities or parallels that students uncover could involve personal interests, styles of speaking or behaving, familiar conflicts or insecurities, etc. The point is to challenge students to relate to the characters in some way by reflecting on themselves as “characters.”

 

  • Identify a main character’s tragic flaw. When have you seen someone, from history or pop culture, with a similar flaw? How does that person compare to or relate to the character in the novel?

 

      • Follow up with questions about how this flaw began for both people; was it caused by a similar conflict or catalyst?
      • These types of questions prompt students to consider how people from different time periods, backgrounds, and cultures can have similar flaws or difficulties.

 

  • How does the setting have a noticeable impact on one or more characters?

 

      • To recognize a setting’s impact, readers have to consider in what way the character either belongs or doesn’t belong in their society. This question encourages readers to examine social constructs, cultural norms, and belief systems and determine how our surroundings can impact one’s individuality.
      • This question also prompts students to consider the nature vs. nurture debate—in what ways are we all potentially imprinted by our environment?

 

  • If you were to pull one sentence from the text to represent the entire novel’s style, which quote would you choose? How does this resonate with what you have read or experienced before?

 

      • Essentially this question is like a summary on steroids—students are challenged with finding one specific line in the chapter or novel as a whole to represent the overall message of that section.
      • This question also prompts hesitant readers to consider the purpose of specific dialogue and narration by asking how the author’s intent is most explicitly or subtly conveyed while reading.

 

  • What type of person would enjoy this type of story or novel? If you were to create the novel’s prime reader profile, what would this look like?

 

    • This type of layered question requires students to look beyond their own like or dislike of the text and consider how it may appeal to other readers.
    • This question also prompts readers to consider how and why authors make deliberate stylistic choices when crafting a story. What impact does the author hope to achieve? In what way would a reader connect with this work?

Test-taking Hacks for Students

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Spring has officially sprung, which means that, unfortunately for students, testing season is about to rear its ugly head. From standardized state tests, to district assessments that measure literacy and math growth, the copious amount of testing on the horizon can leave students thoroughly fatigued. One of the more daunting aspects of an assessment could be the “unknown” factor. Students are left wondering, Did I guess correctly? Was there a chance that I answered the easy ones too quickly? What if my score is terribly low, or lower than last year? As much as we educators and parents would like to ease their concerns, there is little we can do to stomp out those pervasive doubts. We can, however, ensure that students have plenty of test-taking strategies at their disposal so that, even when guessing, they can improve their odds with logic and sound reasoning.

 

Make a plan of attack

For most, a standardized test means a strictly timed assessment. The projected stopwatch on the board allows students be aware of the time as it expires. However, this countdown can also exacerbate the already stressful environment.

  • Help students tackle the time constraint by encouraging them to complete the easiest questions, sections, or passages first.
  • Remind them, as they skip through the assessment, to circle or star questions that they have decided to skip; the last thing they want to do is lose points by forgetting to answer questions or entire segments of the test.
  • Prompt students to read the questions first, then approach the accompanying passages or texts. This allows students to read with purpose; they know what they need to look for within the text having seen the test questions to come.
  • Teach students to budget their time, especially when assessments include essay responses or written components. If the assessment contains an essay at the end, students will want to give themselves enough time to draft an quick outline and then respond to the prompt.

 

Beat the guessing game

When it comes to guessing, we want to make sure that even the most hesitant students are making educated guesses, as opposed to the “eenie, meenie, miney, mo” method.

  • For multiple choice, true/false, matching, or bubble sheet assessments, students should be discouraged from looking for a specific pattern of answers. It is rare that exam answers would follow a predetermined, distinct pattern. As much as it may be comforting or reassuring to come across an answer pattern, blindly adhering to that pattern is ill-advised.
  • Eliminate wrong answers to remove distractions, then choose your best guess from the remaining options. If an answer does not make grammatical sense, check with the teacher or instructor before selecting it—it could be a typo, but it could also be a subtle hint that it is not the correct answer.
  • If guessing, avoid answers that contain absolute phrases, such as always, never, or none. These phrases are often trick options, meant to make students overthink the question. Words like probably, sometimes, or often are more plausible answers.
  • If presented with numeric options for multiple choice answers, and you have no clue how to approach it, choose the mid-range numeral, as opposed to the largest or smallest number.
  • If no other strategies apply for multiple choice, and you are forced to guess, choose the answer option with the most detail—those are more often correct.
  • Only select “all of the above” if you truly know that all of the above are correct. Do not assume that, if a) and c) are definitely correct, b) should apply as well. Carefully consider whether a) or c) is most appropriate.

When in doubt, if you see two multiple choice answer options that are opposites, such as enigmatic and straightforward, one of those is likely the answer. Students should know to look for antonyms or opposites when guessing on vocabulary questions. They should also be encouraged to examine words and phrases around the term in question to decipher any possible context clues.

Accountable Talk for Behavior Modification

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The somewhat recent educational philosophy of accountable talk is rooted in the idea that, through discussion, students practice accountability for their learning and their contributions to others’ learning through discourse. To simplify, the word accountable means, “required or expected to justify actions or decisions; responsible.” Therefore, when students are using accountable talk in the classroom, they are maintaining responsibility for accurate, verifiable evidence, support, or reasoning, and are expanding their own thinking through rigor and collaboration.

 

Since this strategy is shown to boost engagement, communication skills, and cooperative learning, why not utilize the same philosophies to support behavioral modifications? The idea translates quite simply—if students are able to practice accountable talk regarding academic content, try applying those skills to discussions involving behavioral issues.

 

 

Accountable Talk
Standard/Expectation

For Instruction,
accountable talk requires that students:

For Behaviors,
accountable talk requires that students:

Listening
  • Practicing active/attentive listening
  • Be able to summarize what another student said
  • Be capable of building upon a peer’s thoughts by adding their own considerations
  • Turn and face the peer or adult who is speaking to them; this demonstrates respect and builds positive communication skills
  • Maintain eye contact; avoid straying, daydreaming, and eye-rolling
  • Nod when in agreement to show that they are engaged and/or are aware of the other speaker’s position and opinion

Knowledgeable
  • Be able to defend their position, opinion, stance, etc. with evidence or support
  • Make connections between prior knowledge, other content areas, or a peer’s comment to establish relevance
  • Be able to verify one’s point if challenged or questioned
  • Unpack their position with details and analysis of how they arrived at such a conclusion
  • Explain why they made the choice that they did; discuss their thought process for acting or speaking the way that they did in class
  • Be able to recap or summarize the events prior to the incident or observed behavior
  • Examine the cause and effect relationship between triggers and decisions or responses

Reflective
  • Have opportunities to consider another’s perspective
  • Be provided with wait-time, as to ensure that thoughts are processed and responses are worded precisely
  • Consider how they might approach the task, challenge, or problem differently if given another opportunity or different circumstances
  • Think carefully before speaking
  • Consider the other person’s feelings or reactions to the incident
  • Connect this experience to something they have encountered previously
  • Brainstorm and discuss how this problem, quarrel, or conflict could be ironed out in more productive ways next time
  • Take responsibility for their actions and consider solutions for moving forward or making amends

 

Again, the same principles and benefits that accompany accountable talk practices for critical thinking and rigor during instruction can prove to be just as beneficial for addressing behavior concerns. The more opportunities that students get to practice accountability, whether with regard to academic content, or their own behavioral impulses, the more responsible students will become. Through accountable talk, they must not only listen to others to develop communications skills, broaden their knowledge, and expand on the ability to reflect, but also they must gain a sense of ownership in what they say and how they say it.

Critical Thinking Skills as an Approach to Behaviors at Home

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Especially as children become stir crazy cooped up inside during the winter months, behaviors can begin to plummet. Perhaps routines have been off, bedtimes have been extended, or one too many holiday desserts has sent someone into a tizzy. Whatever the case may be, we can always appreciate a fresh approach to dealing with misbehaviors. If time-outs, confiscated iPads, or groundings are wearing on the family, a different approach could be beneficial. With a little patience—okay, maybe a lot of patience—conversations where parents prompt children to think critically about their behaviors can change the way in which children see misbehaviors all together.

 

Critical thinking encompasses a complex set of higher order thinking skills. As opposed to memorization or fact-based knowledge, critical thinking includes relational, analytical, reflective, argumentative, or systematic thought processes. It is not so much what you know or think, but why or how you know and think that way. Because critical thinking often involves aspects of perspectives and/or decision making, these strategies can be the perfect platform for dealing with behavior management.

 

When siblings or peers argue:

  • Parents can mediate by asking questions about how an argument began. By taking a moment for reflective thinking, children begin to see how a small issue may have escalated or blown out of proportion.
  • If children are calling one another names, diffuse the situation by talking about how these are opinions; they are not based on facts. Just because someone calls you stupid certainly does not mean that you are stupid. These words hurt, of course, but ask your children why this person’s cruelness affects them; do you value this peer’s hurtful opinion?
  • Encourage siblings to take the other’s perspective for a moment. Ask why she thinks her brother acted that way towards her. Why might his friend have behaved this way? The key is not so much in finding the exact purpose, but instead taking a moment to consider where that other person could be coming from.
  • Ask about alternative responses for next time. Is there a better option for dealing with a conflict like this in the future? What is the best way to respond to your little brother next time this happens? What are we not going to do again, and why?

When “so-and-so’s parents” let them do A, B, or C:

  • A rational explanation and some critical thinking can go a long way when children are upset over things that other kids are allowed to do. Calmly explain that everyone’s family operates differently, and so-and-so might be able to stay up until 10 pm simply because their parents work late… Or perhaps so-and-so sleeps in and rushes out the door every morning…Or it is possible that so-and-so feels like a walking zombie at the school most days? Whatever the scenario, remind your child that there are reasons behind your household routines—and another family’s routine is frankly irrelevant.
  • Discuss the implications of these decisions. If a friend is allowed to see R-rated movies, but your children are not, explain how an inappropriate movie could make them scared, uncomfortable, worried, restless, sleepless, and ultimately cranky or sluggish at school. Help them connect the dots between the rules and their purposes so that they see these guidelines as meaningful, instead of arbitrary.
  • Ask your child flat-out: “Besides the fact that so-and-so is allowed, do you have a valid reason or justification for changing the rules this time?” This forces children and teens to justify or support their stance with effective reasoning.

When frustrations boil over:

  • Encourage children to take a beat to evaluate the situation—what can we do to potentially solve this problem or ease this frustration? Think about why this particular task is causing so much frustration and use that as a new point of entry.
  • If math homework is about to cause a fit, take a brain break, walk away from the math packet, and cool down. Then, approach the problem with a cool head and fresh viewpoint. Think about it in “grand scheme of things” terms—is this something that is going to keep me up all night or ruin my month? Chances are, this meltdown will be a non-issue in a matter of hours.
  • Help them break down the problem or situation and tackle the parts that they feel confident about. Remind them to apply what they know and then use those methods to chip away at the task.
  • If the task is still complicated, encourage children to write down exactly what it is that they don’t know or are missing—what would they need to solve this problem or complete this assignment?
  • Apply the skill to a simpler problem and use that momentum to approach the more complex problem. Oftentimes, in simplifying a question, we are better able to see aspects of the problem that we may have missed due to the complexity.

When problems are on the cusp or horizon:

  • Call it psychic power or paternal/maternal observations, but parents are often able to tell when an issue, conflict, or temper is about to erupt. Teach children this reflective skill by modeling how to gauge one’s feelings and emotions. This helps to avoid or circumvent conflicts or attitudes that could be problematic.
  • Discuss the concept of foresight and how such anticipation can help in our decision making. Remind children that everything they do has an impact or effect on those around them.
  • In considering these implications, children are able to pause to consider the ripple effect that any decision might have. The ability to contemplate and deliberate based on past experiences and logical reasoning allows children to make more informed choices, and thus behave in more considerate or responsible ways.
Dealing with School Drama at Home, Part I

Dealing with School Drama at Home, Part I

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While the middle and high school years are most notably fraught with drama, elementary-aged children are also seeing their fair share of peer disputes and social squabbles. More often than not, drama that occurs during the school day makes its way home with students. Like gum on the bottom of a sneaker, a social issue with a peer tends to latch on and attract more dirt and grime throughout the day, only to become an even bigger issue later on. Since the prevalence of peer issues truly reaches all age groups, it is important that parents have plenty of strategies and tools to utilize when drama rears its ugly head.

 

Avoid fueling the fire or taking on the emotional burden. This is easier said than done because, of course, as a parent, your instinct is to defend and protect by immediately taking your child’s side. However, this instinctual defense mode could simply cause your child’s emotions to become even more dramatic. Instead, use these conversations as an opportunity to diffuse the situation simply by listening. Merely talking about the issue can bring about a level of comfort, so act as the sounding board, not the hype girl.

 

Try not to downplay your child’s feelings with phrases like, “Everyone deals with drama,” or “It’s not that serious.” Your perspective is helpful, but not when it serves to discredit or minimize your child’s feelings. As adults, we can easily forget how these moments in school felt like the end of the world.  Compared to our real world drama we get to experience in adulthood, these quarrels may seem like nothing, but to your child, they are a big deal. Therefore, it is important that they feel heard.

 

You want to be sure that you are not pressuring your child about maintaining or discontinuing a friendship one way or another. It is perfectly helpful for parents to give advice when it comes to friendships, but often times, you may find yourself saying things like, “You two have been friends for years, why let something like this ruin that?” Or, “Our families have known each other since before you were born, you should really try to work this out.” You must allow children to make their own judgement call when it comes to friendship drama; you also want to avoid minimizing their feelings by simply telling them to work it out for your own sake. Furthermore, just because the “close family friends” scenario is convenient, it does not mean that your children are naturally going to get along with your friends’ children.

 

Help them take their mind off of the drama by expanding their circle to include new peers and activities. Ask about neighborhood friends, after-school activities, weekend extracurricular opportunities, and clubs they may want to join. Sometimes a little “friendship break” is all it takes to breathe, regroup, and reset the relationship. In the interim, it is helpful for children and teens to have different options for socializing—casting a wider net ensures that drama can be avoided simply by socializing with other peer groups from time to time.

Hard Truths Pt. 1

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The middle and high school years are transformative for students, marked by varied sets of challenges and mishaps. In a sense, educators have a front row seat to watch as students learn, grow, mature, and navigate their way through adolescence. Among the daily academic lessons, unit goals, and semester objectives, teachers are also given the opportunity to impart various life lessons. These hard truths are sometimes relayed covertly, often through scenarios that subtly allow students to seemingly come to these conclusions on their own. Other times, teachers impart these life lessons using a direct and straightforward delivery. Whichever the case, I’ve found that some of my most pivotal moments in the classroom, those moments in which relationships are formed and a culture of care is crafted, happen when students are gaining life lessons, rather than focusing solely on academic content.

 

Friendships will change—this is to be expected as people discover who they really are

This concept is especially challenging for middle schoolers, where peer acceptance is paramount. It is important for children and teens to understand that friendships are fluid, and while some friendships can truly last a lifetime, most are fleeting and circumstantial. Remind adolescents that as they grow older, begin to understand themselves better, and branch out socially, they will be more likely to make genuine connections with peers on a deeper level. With these sincere friendships comes the realization that perhaps other acquaintances were more surface level or temporary.

 

You will not always like everyone; not everyone will always like you

Similarly to finding their more authentic social groups, the teenage years are when students begin to discover that, while kindness is essential, there will be plenty of people that simply rub them the wrong way. It is okay and even expected that adolescents will encounter people that they simply do not care to be around. The hard truth, however, is that these “undesirable” peers are in fact going to be around. The key is to learn how to not only coexist, but to cooperate civilly. Does this mean you must befriend everyone you encounter? No, that is not realistic. But just because you are not someone’s biggest fan, does not give you the right to treat them any differently. Common courtesy is not conditional—your rudeness says more about you than it does the person you might dislike.

 

If the smartest, most educated person in the applicant pool cannot work well with others, they are likely to lose that position to a more collaborative/agreeable person with the more modest resume

For high achieving students, this hard truth is, well, hard to hear. Students are used to striving to be the best, know the most, and score the highest. However, that “every man for himself” strategy is becoming less and less desirable in the workplace. Admissions officers, project managers, and even chiefs of surgery will be seeking qualified applicants who are able to work well in collaborative settings. The person who always has to be right, or first, or fastest, or the best is also probably pretty tough to work alongside. This is where social skills truly set people apart. Remind teens that listening, cooperative learning, perspective-taking, and compromise are all exceptionally valuable skills.