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Alcohol and Drug Awareness Month

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Since the late 1980s, the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence has spent the month of April educating the public on issues related to drugs and alcohol. This year’s theme, “Talk Early, Talk Often: Parents Can Make a Difference in Teen Alcohol Use,” focuses on the important role that parents play when it comes to negative influences in children’s lives. For this year’s event, the NCADD has helped to organize a series of local, state and national events aimed at educating people about the treatment and prevention of alcoholism, especially among our youth.

The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence encourages the practice of open and honest conversations between parents and teens. For many different reasons, these conversations can be uncomfortable for both parents and children. Not only is trust involved, but issues pertaining to peer pressure and maturity also impact a teen’s decisions and mind set. Ultimately, you know your teen better than anyone—but it never hurts to have a few suggestions on how to broach the subject of the detriments of drug and alcohol use.

Start the conversation before you think it’s time to start the conversation

Whether we’d like to believe it or not, the average age at which a young person first tries alcohol in the United States is 13 years old. Yes, this means that the average 6th or 7th grader has tried—or at least been given the opportunity to try—alcohol. As astounding as this statistic may seem, it is essential that parents realize that curiosity about drugs and alcohol may begin earlier than expected, especially with easy access to internet information via personal devices. Begin openly discussing these matters early and often. If your child or teen knows that they can come to you openly about these topics, they’ll be more likely to seek your advice when the time comes to make the tough decisions.

Know what is going on inside and outside of your house

Technology has done wonders in terms of connecting and informing today’s youth. Unfortunately, this connectivity can be a double-edged sword. According to recent reports, over 50% of American children own a cell phone by the age of 6. With the rise of social media forums, teens can access and share information like never before. Therefore, stories and photos from last weekend’s party will hit the internet before you’ve even realized that your child may have hosted the party. Between Snapchat, Twitter, and Instagram, today’s kids are able to document their every move. As the parent, it is your job to be fully aware of your child’s activities. Yes, privacy and trust are important, but parents must be aware of the possibility that drugs and alcohol are realistic temptations.

Be direct and honest about the consequences

As we all know, part of growing up and maturing into adults involves making decisions—which sometimes means making mistakes. This is part of the learning curve that we all experience throughout our lives. As the parent, you are fully aware of the lessons, morals, and wisdom that you’d like to instill in your child. Discussing the honest consequences of drug and alcohol use is a difficult yet important step in keeping the communication lines open. These conversations are not meant to scare, but rather to realistically inform about the dangers of harmful decision-making. Teenage brains are naturally curious, impulsive, and spontaneous. That said, teens will possibly make difficult decisions without the slightest bit of contemplation, especially about the severity of the potential consequences. Talk honestly about the dangers of drinking and driving—make sure that you child knows that there is always another (better) option. Prompt your child to think about everything that is important in his or her life—and be sure to highlight the fact that making poor choices could mean gambling all of these things away. As scary as it may sound, teens need to know that some mistakes, while unintentional accidents, are still too severe to be undone.
Even if you still think you have a few years before you need to have this conversation, consider using the NCADD’s “Talk Early, Talk Often” awareness campaign to introduce the topic with your child. It’s never too early to be proactive in shaping good decision-making.

Building Up Self-Esteem in the Classroom

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i-741519_1280Social-emotional development is a key aspect of growth for children, especially during the teenage years. Questions, conflicts, and angst revolving around one’s identity are indicative of this tempestuous stage in life. Many adolescents, if not all, struggle with building self-esteem. As educators, we have the opportunity to not only teach, but to lead by example.

I, like many adults, can personally relate to my sporadically insecure and apprehensive middle schoolers. The braces, blemishes, and all of those other lovely aspects of my own adolescent years are fresh in my mind when I stand in front of my classes—their hesitant expressions are another reminder of how hard it is to be a teenager. However, two things that can lessen the blow of adolescence are a positive outlook and a resilient self-esteem.

Methods to address the insecurities change from day to day, and vary depending on the student. Obviously, what makes one student feel comfortable and confident may not be the key for another. Even so, there are ways to make a teacher’s classroom, instruction, and demeanor more conducive to building students’ self-esteem.

Be open about your own flaws or weaknesses

For the most part, it is common for students to expect perfection and level-headedness from their teachers to a certain degree. This is evident by the fact that they are shocked and humored when we miscalculate, misspell, or misconstrue something. They are even more shocked to see us scrambling through the mall in sweats and a baseball hat on a Saturday. While mildly embarrassing to us, these somewhat amusing instances are truly beneficial to building our students’ self-esteem.

Capitalize on these opportunities by shattering the belief that perfection is the key to high self-esteem. Yes, teachers are tasked with teaching our subjects, but we are not the “almighty keepers of the knowledge.” We are human beings that have flaws and make mistakes. Embrace these blunders in the classroom—they show our students that, just like teenagers, we adults make mistakes, too. This realization that everyone makes mistakes helps students accept their own missteps and build self-esteem.

Show your true colors

Learning occurs when students take risks in the classroom. Risk-taking is also a sign of confidence and self-esteem. If we teachers are not presenting our true selves, how can we expect our students to feel comfortable enough to show their own true colors? In order to foster these themes of confidence, honesty, and authenticity in the classroom, we must truly practice what we preach.

Beware, though, that adolescents have the uncanny ability to detect phoniness. They are observant, intuitive, and critical. Therefore, it is not the easiest task for teachers to wear all of the hats and still remain authentic in the classroom. All at once, we must maintain professionalism, provide engagement, and remain enthusiastic about the lesson, while also cracking down on behaviors and managing 30+ teenagers in a room. This can be quite a tall order; however, exhibiting your own confidence in the classroom is key to encouraging your students’ self-esteem. Just as parents should model good self-esteem at home, teachers should lead by example, as well.

Explain that “this too shall pass”

Another honest conversation that teachers can have with students in order to foster self-esteem involves discussions of the future. It is easy for anyone to get caught up or discouraged by difficulties happening in the here and now. This is especially true for teenagers. Teens are developmentally prone to “sweat the small stuff.” As a teen, I remember overreacting, dramatizing, and fixating on what turned out to be tiny non-problems. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but genuine discussions about how to look past our problems and put things into perspective will nurture a positive outlook.

As teachers, we know that personal connections can make all the difference with our students. Sharing anecdotes about my own struggles and slip-ups growing up allows me to relate to my students and relay strategies that worked versus those that didn’t quite pan out. Showing your students that you can relate to their insecurities is beneficial; showing students that you’ve shed your insecurities and built-up your self-esteem over time can be even more beneficial.

At the start of this school year, I hung two pictures outside of my classroom—my school photo from 6th grade and another from 8th grade. I don’t have to tell you that these photos are beyond embarrassing. My students know all too well that, since hormones run high and self-esteem runs low, these teenage years present plenty of challenges. By sharing your own weaknesses, exhibiting authenticity, and discussing your own fluctuations of self-esteem, teachers have the ability to lead by example and foster positive self-images in the classroom.

Turning Conflicts into Teachable Moments

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Any instance where 30 or more children or teens are working in one room can have the potential to ignite a conflict. An educator’s initial instinct may be to immediately extinguish the fire, which in some cases, is absolutely necessary. However, another approach to address conflict is to highlight and dissect the moment. Speaking through a conflict certainly involves tact; however, the practice will benefit future interactions in the classroom.

Address the issue headfirst: A surefire way to allow conflicts in the classroom to escalate is to sweep them under the rug. When students feel unheard or misunderstood, frustrations build. As uncomfortable as a discussion may seem, the conflict will not dissipate until it is brought to light.

Set the expectation: As the adult in the room, it is vital that the teacher creates a safe space for conflict resolution to take place. Students need validation and acknowledgment of their feelings and opinions. Educators must practice impartiality and fairness for all students involved. If students do not trust the situation, they will not open the door to allow honest conversations.

Encourage introspection: Ask students to identify exactly what emotions they are experiencing—there is a big difference between frustration and resentment. Motivate students to think about the root of the conflict. Oftentimes, conflicts arise out of misinterpreted messages. Ask students to speak honestly and directly about what they are thinking and experiencing.

Seek common ground: Frame the conversation around end goals and ask students what they would like to see as a result of this mediation. How are the students’ desires alike? How can the group compromise to ensure that everyone is heard? Highlight the fact that both students have similar feelings—just different opinions of the situation.

Curiosity kills the conflict: Effect change in students’ mindsets by encouraging everyone involved to remain curious and open-minded. Headstrong stubbornness will only help to facilitate the conflict; it’s fuel to the fire, so to speak. Keeping an open mind and truly listening to the other person allows barriers and egos to come down. When students are genuinely curious about the other person’s perspective, empathy, understanding, and resolutions will begin to smother the fiery conflict.

Conflict in the classroom is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be an obstacle. Quite conversely, conflicts can be catalysts for learning opportunities and social and emotional growth. Embrace the teachable moments and know that every tough instance is an opportunity to advance our understanding of communication.

The Pros of Conflict-and How to Manage it Productively

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The Pros of Conflict—and How to Manage it Productively

After graduate school, one common question that I continued to encounter from one teaching interview to the next involved conflict resolution. Of course the wording varied, but the overall query went something like this: How would you handle two students that do not get along in your classroom?

My response may have been somewhat surprising, but the explanation behind the response is something that I continue to practice in my classroom regularly.

Q: How should you handle children that are having a conflict?

A: Put them together.

Now, of course, there are underlying details that correspond with this concise response—we cannot simply force friendships amongst reluctant children. But, as much as conflict is inevitable, so should be a resolution. What I try to teach my middle schoolers every day is this: life involves conflict. Life means working with people that you don’t necessarily enjoy. Conflict can simply be a difference of opinion—it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

That said, conflict is not mediated by merely avoiding certain people. An important indicator of future success involves the ability to work with others. In any phase of the personal, social, educational, spiritual, or professional realm, we must always be capable of communicating, collaborating, and respecting others, no matter the situation.

Here are a few tried and true methods of teaching conflict resolution:

Put opposing students together

The key to this notion is simple—conflicts should not be swept under the rug. Ignoring a problem does nothing to resolve it. Instead, the negative feelings continue to fester and grow. At some point, the pressure will build to a volatile level. To avoid this, encourage students to confront conflicts as they arise. Create a safe space for students to practice healthy conversations with the help of an impartial mediator. The root of many conflicts is a misunderstanding. Often times, the best way to begin mediation is by clarifying the misunderstandings or calmly explaining each person’s interpretation of the conflict.

Encourage “I feel” talking points

When putting conflicts center stage, it’s important to demonstrate healthy communication. Have children focus on their own personal feelings, instead of what the other person is doing. Model conflict resolution by beginning with “I feel frustrated when…” This phrasing removes the tendency for people to place blame and find faults. “I feel” phrases also allow both parties to display vulnerability and practice empathy. Recognizing how and why someone feels a certain emotion opens the door for better understanding.

Facilitate collaboration on a common goal

Once students have calmly discussed the conflict or issue, encourage a working relationship amongst the students in the classroom. This does not mean that the two students will end up as “besties.” Strengthening a respectful working relationship teaches children several life lessons:

  • Students learn that cooperation is key when working with others.
  • Students learn to listen to one another in order to effectively collaborate.
  • Students see that others’ opinions are valuable—and sometimes more beneficial than their own.
  • Students begin to understand that problems are solved by communication and compromise.
  • When students share the weight and complete a task together, they unknowingly build trust and mutual respect in pairs or groups.

Conflict, while not encouraged, is inevitable. The earlier that children learn how to effectively communicate with others, the more success they will have in future collaborative efforts.  Conflict resolution can also be a very introspective process. Talking through an issue sheds light on one’s own personal biases, exposes alternate perspectives, and reveals our own “pet peeves” or “tipping points.” While conflict cannot be avoided, we must teach children how to productively utilize and learn from clashes with others.