Teen Textiquette Pt. I

Today’s teenage generation has pretty much grown up with cell phones, Wi-Fi and social media. With technology and connectivity practically rooted in their upbringing, they are arguably the most tech-savvy group to date. However, the combination of the teenage brain, impulsivity, peer pressure, and hormones with a smartphone always within arm’s reach can be disastrous. With this in mind, a few pointers regarding text etiquette can placate common issues before they erupt.

 

Parents can and should be instructing their teen about responsible smartphone use right from the beginning. Much like standard etiquette, manners, and socially acceptable behaviors, text etiquette will need to be explicitly taught. What we adults would consider common sense is likely not in the forefront of the teenage brain. The parts of the brain that monitor impulse control, decision-making, perspective-taking, and sympathy are not fully developed until the late teenage years and into early adulthood. Because of this, teenagers simply do not have the wherewithal to implicitly know how to handle certain situations. Just like teaching children the reason behind placing the napkin in the lap and holding the door for others, parents must be sure to explicitly state the reasons for certain texting protocols. In other words, kids need to understand that text etiquette does not involve arbitrary guidelines; they are important social skills and unwritten rules for appropriate communication via text.

 

• Avoid using text messaging as the main platform for carrying out a serious conversation with friends or boyfriends/girlfriends. In the same way that an email doesn’t account for the sender’s tone or full intent, text messages lack these components as well. A simple “K…” response can ignite or amplify a conflict. Instruct your teen to handle serious conversations or mediations in person or at least over the phone.
• Similarly, instruct teens that there are certain things that absolutely should not be said over text message. For instance, a break-up has to be handled face-to-face. Breaking up via text message shows cowardice and disrespect. Will it be harder to do in person? Yes, but it is the right thing to do when ending a relationship. A face-to-face conversation allows teens to explain their position and reasoning, listen to the other person’s feelings, and provide closure—all of which are crucial skills for social emotional growth.
• Another conversation that should never be handled over text messaging is when your teen is quitting a job. A text message sends the message (no pun intended) that he/she cannot be bothered to have a genuine conversation about the topic. Professionally speaking, even for part-time or after school jobs, sending a text message to quit a job is unprofessional, disrespectful, and shows a lack of maturity. This is also a surefire way to burn that bridge with the employer. Explain to your teen that impressions and reputations in the workplace matter—that it’s not only about image. They will likely want to uphold a positive reputation to be able to ask that employer for a good recommendation or reference in the future.
• For the same reasons, backing out of a major obligation, like quitting a sports team or cancelling on a scheduled volunteer opportunity, should not be handled via text either. Again, a text message indicates a lack of concern or disregard for the original commitment and can have negative consequences.